


Wait for You

by Lexilindale35



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Homecoming, Marine Corps, Military, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3933004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Bellamy were the perfect couple. All throughout high school they were together.<br/>Then Bellamy gets the chance to follow his father's footsteps. He goes to boot camp, leaving Clarke behind. Clarke's supposed to go to med school, even with her broken heart that's where she wants to go.</p><p>Until two pink lines appear on the strip. She's abandoned by the one man she's always loved, carrying his child.</p><p>Two years later Bellamy comes home to find the girl he left behind is gone. He also finds out he as a son, who looks exactly like him. A son he never knew about, and a life he wasn't ready for after going to war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New fan fiction. I loved writing them with a child, I thought I'd try this story. I have a lot planned for this one, so I hope you enjoy! NOTE; I originally wrote this out with Jace being six months old. Going over my plans I have decided to change him to a two year old (more fun to write and can do more scenes I've planned)
> 
> SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION! Please continue to read and cry while we wait out this hiatus.

My hand shook as I sat there on the edge of the bathtub staring at the plastic strip. There were two pink lines staring back at me, making it really hard for me to process what this meant. My heart sank as I imagined trying to tell Bellamy he was going to be a dad. The thought alone terrified me, even though I knew he wouldn’t walk away. Bellamy was amazing with children, he loved the little ones that followed him around whenever he helped me volunteer at the hospital. He wasn’t ready to be a father, I wasn’t ready to be a mother. 

This wasn’t supposed to be happening.

I wasn’t that girl. I wasn’t the one who got pregnant before she got her degree. I was supposed to go off and make something of myself. I was going to help people, be like my mom. I would get my degree and save lives, then I would settle down and have a family. I had been so responsible, I never thought this would happen. I was the girl who finished her papers early, I was always on time. 

Apparently that was high school Clarke. This was adult Clarke.

A tear slipped down my cheek. I was paralyzed on the side of the bathtub, I couldn’t move. My legs were numb, my hands still shaking. My eyes hadn’t moved off the lines. They were still there, bright pink and staring back at me. There were two of them. I was pregnant. My life as going to change. There was a life growing inside of me. A life my best friend and I had created. It was a terrifying and yet exciting feeling all at once.

I always imagined having a family with Bellamy. We had been dating since we were sixteen. I knew I loved him, I knew he was the one for me. I believed that two people who were as compatible as Bellamy and I were meant to find each other. Some way, some how we would end up together. We had gotten lucky, we found each other before the world turned us into hard and unlovable people. 

So yes, I always thought we would stay together. Even when he decided he was going to put off college and stay here. The distance didn’t matter, because I was in love with him. There was no one else for me. I imagined our future together, a family of little curly haired kids with blue eyes. That family was supposed to come after we grew up. It wasn’t supposed to happen when we were still children ourselves.

A week ago we walked across that stage, smiling and believing our entire lives were in front of us. Now I sat there wondering if my life was behind me. How was I supposed to go to med school while carrying a child? How would I do internships and rounds while caring for an infant? It wasn’t going to work, I was going to have to give up my dream.

I covered my mouth with my hand as a sob escaped my throat. This baby wasn’t a mistake. No matter how unprepared I was, I would never say those words out loud. No baby was a mistake. He or she was a surprise, one that I would work into my life instead of around. I would love them, I would be their mother. I learned from the best. I decided sitting there, still terrified out of my mind, I would do whatever I had to do to make sure this child was smothered with love.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, making me jump. The sound pulled me back into the moment, into reality and out of my terrifying thoughts. I stood up, my legs unsteady as I put my weight on them. I turned the sink on, throwing cold water on my face, hoping whoever it was wouldn’t notice my puffy eyes. I wiped away one last tear, taking in a deep breath and looking at my reflection. I was pale, but then again I was glowing. I wondered if anyone but me would notice that.

“Just a second,” I called, looking around for something to hide the evident in. I wrapped the plastic stick in toilet paper. My heart was racing as I buried it at the bottom of the trash under the paper cups and empty shampoo bottles. Hopefully my mom wouldn’t go through the trash. I would deal with telling her my news when the time came.

I opened the door to find Bellamy standing on the other side. He was smiling, his curls matted with seat. I could only assume he had come from the gym, or he had ran here. He was on this healthy kick ever since we ended our senior year. He was into exercising and keeping up with his lifting. He looked good, hell he had looked good before he did this. Every single girl in that school was jealous of me because I got to be on his arm.

Sometimes I was amazed I got to be on his arm.

“It’s time,” he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. He spun me around, lifting my feet off the ground. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I smiled anyways. I hugged him back, thinking of what an amazing father he would be to our unborn child. If only I could find the courage to tell him.

He set me down, pushing my blonde hair behind my ear. He was still smiling, I kissed the inside of his palm, “time for what, Bell?”

“I’m going to boot camp,” his smile started to fall. He was happy and sad all at the same time and I realized what this meant. My heart fell even further into my stomach and I stood there staring at him.

Ever since we met he told me he wanted to be a Marine. His father had died serving our country. He used to tell me that he wanted to follow in his footsteps and honor him by finishing the career he never got to see come to an end. He wanted to protect this country, and he wanted to protect me. He was selfless that way, always putting others before him. His mom used to tell me about him as a toddler, dressing up as a solider every single Halloween.

My heart stopped, I didn’t realize he had enlisted already. After his mom died senior year Bellamy stepped up and took over caring for Octavia, his younger sister. She was only a year younger than us, but she wasn’t eighteen yet. She needed a guardian to keep her, and Bellamy knew it was his job to make sure she made it to graduation. He had been looking out for her ever since she was born. She was born the same year his dad died.

He told me after the funeral that he didn’t want to leave her behind. He told me he was going to put off his dreams, to make sure she would find a path of her own. That’s why he put off all the college applications that would help him with his career in the military. He needed to take care of his sister and then he would find his way to honor his father. That was one of the things I fell for, his selflessness, his protectiveness. Bellamy was as loyal as they come. 

My eyes went wide, “what about Octavia? She’s got another year of school left,” I was grasping at thin air, hoping he would stay. I wouldn’t tell him about his child unless he wanted to stay. I wouldn’t force him to stay with me. I wouldn’t be the reason why he was forced to give up this opportunity. I knew boot camp dates were few and far between. I knew this was as important to him as med school was to me. 

One of us should get to see our dreams through.

“Actually, she’s uh gonna stay here. Your mom told me she’d love to watch her for the year. Especially since you’re leaving for school,” he scratched his head, “she called me when she heard the news. If I don’t go now I’ll lose my spot.”

I hid my tears as best I could, swallowing the lump of pain in my throat, “okay. Well good, good Octavia is taken care of,” I looked down at his chest, trying as hard as I could to stay positive for him, “so this doesn’t change anything does it? I mean we’ll still write each other and call when we can. Long distance still isn’t impossible.”

Bellamy sighed, running his hand through his long curls. I realized, watching him, that he would soon have to cut that hair. They would take away his beautiful curls. I wasn’t sure if it was the news of the baby or him leaving that made me feel even more emotional, “actually that’s why I came over. I wanted to talk to you. I thought it would be best to do this in person.”

My hands were shaking again. He didn’t comfort me like he always did, he didn’t reach out to touch me. One thing about Bellamy and I that was always special was that he would reach out to reassure me he was there, he would make sure I was okay by holding my hand or wrapping his arms around me. Instead he turned and walked into my room, waiting for me to follow.

I walked slowly, I knew what was coming. The pit of my stomach was about to fall through. This would be the same discussion we had when I chose to go to med school in New York. Long distance was hard on any couple, let alone one that fights as much as we do. We wouldn’t be able to make up over the phone.

I collapsed onto my bed, realizing my world was fragile enough to fall apart in less than one day. I clasped my hands together in front of me, staring at them instead of him, “Bell.”

“Clarke, I’ve thought long and hard about this. I love you,” his words were rushed, he was trying get this out before one of us started yelling, “you deserve better than waiting on me. You deserve someone who comes home every night and sees how lucky to have such a beautiful wife. You are going to change the world. I refuse to hold you back. I refuse to be the solider you worry about.”

I looked up at him, tears filling my eyes, “Bellamy.”

He shook his head, he stopped pacing and knelt down in front of me. He put his hands on my knees and looked into my eyes. His brown eyes were always so soft, so beautiful. No matter what I was going through, just one look from him could make me forget all my problems. Like now when my world was falling apart, he made it seem like it was okay. Until he blew out a breath, his hand on my cheek.

“I think it’s for the best that we say goodbye. I can’t contact you in boot camp, I can’t call, I’m not sure how often I can write. I don’t want you waiting on me, to find me coming home in a pine box.”

A tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it. I wiped it away and sighed, trying to think this through. I wasn’t the kind of girl who begged someone to stay with them. I wasn’t angry, but the hurt inside my chest was enough to break my heart in half. I looked at him, his eyes still staring at me, waiting for an answer.

“Bellamy Blake, you will not come back in a pine box,” my voice was soft. I looked down at his big hands, thinking about much I would miss feeling them touch me. I would miss his arms wrapping around my body and pulling me close into his chest. I swallowed another lump that tried to make a home in my throat, “you will be the best Marine they’ve ever seen.”

He smiled, but it was forced. He put his hand against my cheek, my heart was pounding in my chest. A calm had settled over me, I wasn’t going to tell him about the baby. This was my problem, I wanted him to go off and follow his dream. I knew sitting there even if we were saying goodbye, I would always have a piece of him with me. This baby was a life we created together, no matter where he was I would have his heart here with me.

“Okay,” I said nodding my head, “if that’s what you want. Then this is goodbye.”

He looked surprised, “that’s it? No yelling? No fighting?” he raised an eyebrow, “you yelled at me for weeks when I told you it would be hard be together when you went to school. You told me if anyone could make it, it was us.”

Tears gathered again, I thought I had pushed them away. I grabbed his hand, “I still believe that. I am willing to wait for you, there’s no one else I would like to wait for. I love you Bellamy Blake. I’ve loved you ever since you hit me in the head with that football,” he smiled, this time it was real, “you’re my best friend, my support. Without you I wouldn’t have made it this far. But I love you enough to let you go follow your dreams. I won’t beg you to stay, just like you won’t ask me to give up my dreams and wait for you. But I just so you know, even if this is goodbye, I’ll still be here.”

I hugged him tightly, my stomach filled with butterflies. I was already hoping our baby would be a boy. I closed my eyes and I saw a mini Bellamy in my arms, his brown curls as wild as his father’s. He would make this goodbye a little easier, he would be my new dream. 

I pulled away and kissed Bellamy’s lips for what would be the last time. I let him go, feeling my heart break. All I had ever known was Bellamy, the only person I ever loved was the man in front of me. I knew I could do this on my own, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to. We had been together for so long, he was my rock. 

“You’ll knock them dead in med school. Show them what an amazing doctor you’ll be,” he ran the pad of his thumb across my cheek as he smiled. It was that crooked smile I had fallen in love with all those years ago. My heart fell, I tried to commit all these moments to memory. I had to keep something to remember on the nights when I couldn’t sleep.

As we stood there together, I promised myself that his child would know all about their father. I would tell them the stories of how we fell in love, how we knew we wanted them to be in this world. He would be surrounded by love and laughter, even if Bellamy wasn’t here to give it to him too. 

I squeezed his hand gently, then my fingers unlaced from his. My arms fell back down to my side, I had officially let him go. Now all I could do was pray that after he followed his dreams he would find his way back to me, back to us.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash forward two years. Clarke has become a single mother, putting her dreams on hold for her son.  
> She doesn't except his father to come home anytime soon.
> 
> NOTE: I originally wrote this with Jace being six months old. I decided to change it and he's a toddler.  
> It's more fun to write and read and interact with a toddler. Plus I have scenes I need him to be this age in. 
> 
> Sorry for the confusion!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like writing this. I feel as if Clarke would want to be strong, but she's still in love with him. I hope I get that across. I want her to be strong and independent, but still cling to the hope that one day they could be a real family. 
> 
> Bellamy has ghosts from war. You don't get discharged after two years for no reason. Stay tuned, his story will be told too.

**_Two years later…._ **

Losing Bellamy was hard, letting him go was even harder. There were nights I cried myself to sleep and woke up with tears still on my pillow. The worst part was falling asleep without him beside me, wondering if he would make it through his training. It was hard to imagine losing him all together. 

As hard as it was, I would do it all over again if it was the only way our son was born. He was all Bellamy, it was hard to see myself in him. But he was my world, I loved him with all my heart and soul. Still I missed Bellamy, I hated that he wasn't here to see his child's moments.

I made Octavia promise not to tell her brother. She was the only lifeline I had to him. He would write her, when he first got there she was the one he called. She would keep me updated, telling me about his haircuts and the grueling training he was going through. He didn't complain, he always ended his letters by telling her this is what he had always wanted. 

Octavia let me read them. She let me run my fingers over his words, his handwriting as close to him as I would get. She never mentioned me in her letters, I checked a few times. She knew I didn't want him to worry. Him worrying about me and his unborn child could lead to him losing his life on the field. Still it was hard to live with Octavia because she wasn't Bellamy. I loved her, but she wasn't the Blake I wanted to wake up beside.

After she moved in I told my mom I was pregnant and decided to defer school. First we fought, she wanted me to give it up for adoption. Once I told her how I couldn't do that, not when the child was Bellamy's, she told me to still go to school.  She told me I could do it, I was strong enough. She had promised to help me with the baby and school. I needed her help, so I decided to take a year off, then one year turned into another. My heart wasn't in school anymore. I was too focused on this baby and finding my life without Bellamy in it.

Octavia was thrilled I was having her brother’s baby. The first week we shared a room, we lived like sisters and we stayed up late all the time. She would giggle when I told her about Bellamy and how much I missed him. I told her all the things I knew I would one day share with our child. It was fun, until my stomach expanded over night and I couldn't see my feet. Then it wasn't as fun. 

Nine months was longer than I thought it would be. Especially when the person I wanted to be there, wasn't there. I didn't sleep at night, his child was a kicker. He got that from his father, he used to kick me whenever I put my cold feet against his shins. It was hard doing it alone, but I wouldn't be his burden. 

Once my mom calmed down and realized I wasn't giving the baby up, she asked me why I didn't tell him. My answer was simple, I didn't want him to worry, I didn't want him to rush home. This was my problem, I would handle it. Bellamy deserved his dream, even if that dream no longer included me. She didn't understand, she thought he should be here. This baby belonged to both of us, not just me. I understood what she meant, but she didn't understand the love Bellamy and I shared. 

We sacrificed for each other. We loved each other enough to let them be happy on their own. 

I only wanted him to be here if he wanted to be here. He needed to know what his future held, that meant I couldn't hold him back. If you love something set it free, if it comes back they're yours to keep.

Jace Ash Blake was born on a cold Friday, in March at three in the morning. My water broke the day before, but he took his time making his entrance into the world. I had my mom and Octavia there holding my hand as my bundle of joy cried for the first time. I cried when they placed him in my arms. I cried because Bellamy wasn't there to see his son being born. He wasn't there to see the life we created.

I didn't know he was a boy until he took his first breath, belting out his cry. My mom cried as I held her first grandchild in my arms. I looked into his brown eyes, they resembled Bellamy's and for a moment I could see him in his little face. I knew he was the only boy I would ever need. 

"Mama!" Jace cried for me as right I reached the last step. I sighed, looking at my mom. She laughed, I turned on my heel and went back up the steps towards our room. I had just put him down for a nap. He was entering his terrible two's, which my mom enjoyed watching me suffer through. He was mischievous, he liked to make a mess and giggle as I yelled at him. Still he was the only man I wanted in my life these days.

He was standing up in his bed, his eyes red from crying. His chin was shaking as he rubbed his eyes. He was so tired, but he was fighting it, "bub you're supposed to be sleeping," he giggled, that giggle that could make me do anything for him. I tickled his sides as he reached for me.

I pulled him into my arms and sat down on the rocking chair. The good thing about living with my mom was that she had kept all my baby things. I didn't have to buy a single thing. I started to rock him, running my fingers to his brown curls. He was born with that head of hair. It was wild and I refused to cut them off. 

They reminded me of the person who gave them to him.

After boot camp, Octavia told me her brother was deployed. She didn't hear from him as often, he wrote every one in a while. She didn't tell him about Jace. She knew I didn’t want him to know, I was thankful she respected my choice. I still wanted him to focus on himself. I didn't want him to know that I really was waiting for him. 

Sometimes I wondered if she hated that I lied to her brother. She had never said the words out loud. She never told me she was upset that Bellamy didn’t know about Jace. She understood my choice, she loved Jace as much as I did. She was the perfect aunt, I was so glad he had her in his life. She could tell him things about Bellamy I didn’t know. Still I knew it was hard for her not to tell him. I knew she wanted him to be in his child’s life. After all they had grown up without a father too.

"Before you were born I was in love with your daddy," my voice was soft as I looked down at his little face, "he had big brown eyes like you. His hair hung as long. He loved me too.”

Jace smiled up at me, his eyes getting heavy, "mama," that was his first word. I don't think I had ever felt my heart swell up with pride as it did in that moment. He looked at me with those big brown eyes and called me mama, and I was gone. I knew right then and there that boy had my heart forever. Those were the days I realized being a mother was the best role in the world.

He could form a few sentences, he knew a lot of words. His favorite was no, of course what two year old didn't like that word? I smiled as he rubbed his eyes. He was a good baby, he didn't cry unless he needed something. He didn't wake me up at night. Even when I brought him home he was a good sleeper. He got that from me. I could sleep through anything. Bellamy was the light sleeper. Every time he showed me his personality I couldn't help but attribute it to one of us. He looked like his father, but he had my temper, my stubborn head. He used to scream at me whenever I didn't do what he wanted. I would laugh, my mom told me it was payback.

She used to tell me I was a terror as a baby. I would cry for no reason, screaming into the early morning hours until someone held me. Even then I wasn’t happy. I had a temper, even at that age and I would hit and kick until I got what I wanted. According to Abby, Jace was the same way. He was just a little milder, only lashing out when he didn’t get his way right then and there. He didn’t scream and cry unless it directly affected him.

Still he was my baby boy and I wouldn’t trade him for all the mild tempered babies in the world.

I kept rocking him, running the tips of my fingers through his hair, tickling his scalp. He would fall asleep easily when I did that. My own eyes were getting heavy in the dimly lit room as I rocked the chair back and forth. I was humming under my breath, watching him struggle to stay awake.

Finally he clung to the blanket Octavia had made for my baby shower. It was a patchwork blanket that had pieces of my old shirts along with Bellamy's old shirts. Jace clung to that thing the way I had before he was born. What he didn't realize was that it had once smelled like his daddy. Before I had worn it out with my tears.

I slowly stood up, laying him back down in his crib. I covered him with the other blanket, tucking the monitor in my pocket. I knew I didn't need that thing, he would cry out as loudly as he could when he wanted me. It was a habit I guess. I kissed his forehead and then headed out of the room. It was always a sweet feeling when I put him down for a nap or for the night. It was when I finally got a second to myself.

My mom helped a lot more than I thought she would. She dialed back her hours after he was born. She wanted to teach me all the things I didn't know about babies. She was a natural grandmother, she loved making him giggle. I loved watching them together. I didn't realize until I had Jace, but my mom had been hard on me because she loved me so much she wanted me to do my best.

I only wished my dad could be here to see his grandson. He would've been so proud, so in love with this little boy. It broke my heart to know he would never get to meet him. My dad had been an amazing man, Jace would’ve loved following him around.

I had just walked out of the bedroom, when I heard someone running up the stairs, "Clarke!" Octavia yelled loudly making me cringe. I had just gotten him to sleep, “Clarke!"

I glared at her as I shut his door, "I just got him to sleep. If you wake him up with the yelling you're dealing with him.”

She stopped, grabbing my hands. She was all but jumping up and down as she smiled at me. She was so excited, her eyes were sparkling. She was practically dancing, "he's home. Bellamy is home!”

My heart stopped, I felt it freeze in my chest. My eyes went wide, "what? When?”

I should’ve been as excited as she was. He was home, he wasn’t supposed to get out for another three years and yet here he was, home at least. Jace wouldn’t even remember him not being here. Still I was scared, he didn’t know about his son. He was going to hate me, and I wasn’t sure I had forgiven him for walking away as easily as he had. I might have been under the influence of my baby, but I still missed him like crazy while he was gone.

I took in a deep breath, watching his sister nod her head. She was so happy to have her brother back, I felt terrible for lacking her excitement. It was hard to be excited when the man you were in love with had told you goodbye over two years ago. He said I deserved better, what he didn’t realize was there was no one as amazing as him out there for me. He was the one I wanted to wait for, even if he didn’t want me waiting for him.

She smiled, "today. He got discharged yesterday. He wanted to surprise me," she was so excited to see her brother. I couldn't blame her, she was leaving for college soon. She had missed him almost as much as I had.

"So he's done? Did you pick him up?" I had so many questions. He didn't even realize I still knew everything about his life.

I could only imagine what had happened to him over there during his deployment. You didn’t get discharged after two years for nothing. I knew he might be back in one complete piece, but there was something wrong. He couldn’t be the same Bellamy who had been so excited for boot camp. He wouldn’t be the Bellamy I fell in love with. I was afraid to see him, I was afraid to meet this new man who stood in his place.

Maybe he would be understanding. Maybe he would see how much I still loved him. Hopefully he was still in love with me.

Octavia bit her lip choosing her words carefully, "no he took the bus here. You put Jace down right?" I nodded, wondering where this was going, "I uh, I tried to get you before you found out. He’s here, here. As in, he’s waiting outside.”

My heart jumped into my throat as I looked behind her, down the hallway. He was outside, he was back here in this house. I had to decide if I wanted to listen to my head or my heart. At that moment I realized I had to decide just what I wanted to do about the love I was still holding onto finally meeting the son he never knew about. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke see each other for the first time in 2 years.  
> Sparks fly, people are hurt. Clarke doesn't know if she forgives him.  
> She does know that she hasn't felt this way since he left.
> 
> They're both in for a big surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long. But it sets up a lot of what will happen.  
> Don't worry I love happy Bellarke, so we will get there. I'm trying out the slow burn approach.
> 
> I'm sad that the 100 won't be back until 2016, but I hope we generate more fans and therefore have better ratings! This is definitely one of the best shows on TV so let's all do what we can to help it out during the hiatus!
> 
> As always I love your comments and appreciate you reading!!!!

This time I bit my lip and I bit down on it hard. My heart was pounding in my chest as I looked at Octavia. I had to make a decision and I had to do it fast. I cleared my throat, just as I heard the front door open and my mom inviting Bellamy in. We both had wide eyes, turning towards the stairs before she could say something that gave away our secret. My mom didn’t agree with my desire to keep Jace a secret from his father. I let Octavia run ahead of me, I wasn't sure Bellamy wanted to see me. After all he never contacted me during his time away. 

He had to know I was here though, this was my house. 

“It’s so good to see you Bellamy. I wasn’t expecting you so soon though. How was boot camp?” My mom was making conversation as I waited on the stairs. Octavia joined her brother, hugging him again as he sat down on the love seat. He looked so different, even from a distance.

He held himself straighter, his hair was shorter. His eyes looked guarded. He was chiseled and muscular. He was tanner than he had been the last time I saw him. His freckles darker against his nose. He looked good, his brown eyes were hiding his secrets. He clasped his hands together in front of him and I couldn't stop staring. It had been two years since I saw him in another form than the pictures in my room. He was as good looking as ever. My heart stopped and I felt all the emotions I had been trying to fight coming back to me in that moment. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with him all over again.

Octavia looked up at me and rolled her eyes, “ _get down here.”_

She mouthed the words at me. I shook my head, “ _he doesn’t want to see me.”_

She sighed as her brother started to tell my mom about his time away. Bellamy cleared his throat, "it was hard, but worth it. I'm definitely stronger than I was," he gave my mom a nervous laugh. I could see the Bellamy I remembered sitting there. 

I watched him run his hand through his hair, the same way Jace would run his tiny fingers through his wild curls. I shook my head, he was his fathers child. Even if they had never been in the same room together, they were each other’s twin. I watched him from a distance, hidden behind the wall of the steps. I thought I was safe, close enough to see him but far enough for the heartache to stop. Then his brown eyes flashed up and he saw me sitting there. 

He stopped mid sentence, that crooked smile coming onto his face.

"Clarke," his voice was low, I felt my cheeks burn. He still had such an effect on me. There was no one else who could make me blush the way Bellamy Blake could. It started in my toes and worked it’s way up my spine. The feeling always ended in my heart, exploding in my chest.

I stood up, Octavia smirking as I walked down the stairs. I took my time, trying to steady my hands as I reached the last step. My heart was racing, the room felt smaller than it was. I couldn't find air to fill my lungs. One year had changed me, two years and I was a new person. I was a mother, a protector. I had a son, this man had been out of my life for two whole years and yet I was still in awe of him. 

It was strange to realize I was upset with him. The first year was hard, the second one I handled by looking at his son and knowing there was good in this world. I had spent the last year telling myself I didn’t hate him. I believed it too, I thought I was still in love with him. I was still in love with him, but I was hurt that he had actually pushed me away. He wasn’t just saying we shouldn’t be together, he meant it.

He wasn't the same man either. He stood up and wrapped his arms around me. I was surprised he pulled me into him, his lips pressing against my forehead. I breathed in his scent, God I had missed his scent. He smelled like home. Tears gathered in my eyes, I tried as hard as I could not to gather his jacket up in my hands and hold him hostage.

"I missed you," he whispered against the top of my head. I buried my face in his chest, trying not to cry. I had to take this moment and savor it.

I knew once the cat was out of the bag he wouldn't be as loving towards me. 

I pulled away, his brown eyes as familiar as they had always been. Except I couldn't stop seeing our son, his same features come from Bellamy's face. I didn't want him to hate me, but I would understand if he did.

There were ghosts behind his eyes, I could see his time away had changed him more than he was letting on. My heart hurt for him, my pride hurt for my son. I was so scared he would push me away again. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to see him push away the family he didn't know he had.

"I told you I’d still be here," I whispered. I would let us have this moment before everything fell apart.

He smiled that crooked smile, "I'm glad you are."

His lips brushed my forehead again, I noticed he didn't kiss me. He was still holding back. That stung more than if he had just ignored me. I couldn't be just friends with him. I loved him too much to watch him find happiness with someone else.

We stood there together a moment too long. My mom cleared her throat, I could see her smiling, “I’ll go get us some lemonade or something.”

My cheeks got darker as she glared at me. She knew why we rushed down here, we didn’t want her to tell him about Jace. I could see her wheels turning, she wanted him to know. Two years was a long time to keep a secret like this from someone. I knew it was unfair, but I didn’t know how to change what had already been done. 

He had been home for less than five seconds and she was ready to turn his world upside down. I wanted to give him space, I wanted to figure out how I was feeling. We weren’t the same people who had created that child. I was hoping maybe we could find our way back to each other. Which was why I had to ease him into the news. I couldn’t just dump it onto him.

She pulled my arm hard, pulling me away from Bellamy. She kept her fingers around his wrist, making me follow her into the other room, “I thought Octavia told him. She never did, she never mentioned him in a letter?”

My mom was angry. I let out a slow breath and shook my head, “no. I didn’t want her to tell him even after he was born. I just, he wouldn’t talk to me mom. My letters went unanswered. He didn’t deserve to know.”

She shook her head, “no. He has every right to know about his child, Clarke. He is as much Bellamy’s as he is yours. I love you, but you need to tell him about your child. If not for Bellamy, for Jace. He should know his father.”

She had never in her life defended Bellamy. I always thought she hated him, especially after I had gotten pregnant with his child. My heart fell, I knew she was right. Jace was my priority now, he was the one who deserved to know his father. I knew what it was like to lose one, I never wanted my child to feel that way.

I let out a slow breath, pulling my arm from her grip, “look mom I will tell him. I just, I’m waiting. I’m torn between hating him for cutting me off then showing back up here like he didn’t and the fact that I’m still in love with him.”

My mom pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly, “I know, Clarke. I was the one who held your hand the last two years. I’m the one who was here.”

I nodded, wiping a tear off my cheek, “I know. I will tell him, I promise. But I know the moment he finds out, he’ll hate me. He won’t forgive me, not for this. Right now I’m the one who gets to be upset with him.”

She squeezed my shoulder, “that boy still loves you. He will want to be a family, even if he’s upset at first. Tell him about Jace. What’s the worst he can do? You lived without him for a while now, we both know you can do it. You just don’t want to.”

I wiped away a tear, taking in a breath and then shrugging, “I guess we’ll find out soon won’t we?”

I walked out of the kitchen, back out into the living room where Octavia and Bellamy were sitting. I could see them smiling, they were catching up. Octavia was gesturing with her hands wildly, telling him a story that made him laugh. For a moment I stood in the doorway watching, their little family was back together again. He looked different, he held himself different, but he was still Bellamy.

I walked the rest of the way into the room and sat down across from them on the couch. The baby monitor was heavy in my pocket, the only reminder of Jace at the moment. I was waiting for it to go off, for Jace to start crying and the spell would be broken. The monitor was another reminder that our happy reunion would be short lived.

Bellamy looked t me, “so Clarke how is med school? Everything you always thought it would be?”

I bit my lip, feeling the anger I had been pushing down start to surface. He was acting like nothing had changed between us. I shook my head, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. There was Clarke who still loved him and the Clarke who had become strong on her own, within him here to help her raise her child. I wasn’t sure which one would come out, they were both unpredictable.

I crossed my legs, staring at him, “you never answered any of my letters. You never asked me how I was while you were away. You told your sister not to tell me how you were doing,” I guess angry Clarke it was. I wanted him to know that he had hurt me too, “now you want to pretend like it never happened? You want to come in and ask me how I am like you weren’t avoiding me for the last two years?”

He sighed, exhaustion showing under his eyes. He looked down at his hands, I could see the nervous ticks he always had were still there, “when I got your first letter it killed me, Clarke. I knew you would find someone else. I knew it wasn’t fair to ask you to wait for me, just like you knew it wasn’t fair to ask me to give up my spot. When I tried to write back, it was too painful. It was easier to just cut it all off.”

I shook my head, “I let you go. I never thought you would cut me off.”

Octavia was staring at me. I could tell she was surprised at the anger in my voice. All the nights we spent together before and after Jace was born, I did nothing but defend her brother. Now he was here and I was pissed, “Clarke.”

“Octavia I can’t do this. You sprung this one me,” I sighed, my emotions were still up in the air. It was like I was still pregnant and he could breathe wrong and I’d start crying. I was fighting myself against being in love with him. I was fighting myself against hating him. I didn’t know what I wanted, all I knew was that I had to protect myself and my son.

Bellamy looked at me, “Clarke. I’m sorry.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, “look I tried to be understanding. Ask your sister, I never once cursed you for leaving me behind. I knew this was what you wanted. Now that you’re here, seeing you sitting there acting like we’re friends who never touched, never kissed,” I laughed, it was humorless, “I can’t pretend it didn’t happen Bellamy. I can’t pretend like I didn’t love you.”

As if on cue, there was a muffled cry from inside my pocket. Jace cried softly, I knew he was still asleep for the moment. Bellamy looked confused as I stood up. I set the monitor down on the table, watching him stare at the little white device. He looked nervous, Octavia looked shocked.

“Clarke,” she looked at her brother and I shook my head, “hey don’t be so hard on him. He’s trying too.”

I laughed again, “I’m tired of this. I’ve been defending him for so long now I didn’t get a chance to grieve losing him, Octavia. Everyone, including you told me I should be upset with him. You all said I should move on and forget him. Now that he’s back and he’s some sort of hero, I’m in the bad guy. It was easier when you were gone, Bellamy.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she huffed as I threw up my hands. I knew she missed her brother, but I thought we were friends. She had been like the sister I needed when no one else was here for me. Between my pregnancy and losing the boy I loved, she had held my hand through it all. I hated that she was on his side now that he was back.

Bellamy winced at my gesture. His eyes were on his hands in front of him, “it’s okay O. Clarke’s right. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I just thought we could be friends. We’re different people now, you and me. We’ve set out on our own paths. I missed you, I still miss you.”

I sighed, Jace got louder between us. Ironic that our son was ending yet another discussion we were having, “I can’t be friends with you Bell. Not with our history, not when I-," I stopped, shaking my head, "never mind. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go check on my son.”

Bellamy’s eyes went wide before I turned and walked back up the stairs. It was hard to walk away after I told him. It was true, I had been nothing short of loyal to him. Now that he was back, I was angry. Maybe it was the fact that two terrible things had happened to me in the span of the day he left. Or because he had ended it without really saying the words. He got on that bus for boot camp and never looked back. But seeing him again hurt just as much as it did the day he left. 

I couldn’t be understanding anymore. Not when I had been strong for the both of us. Not when I had given him a son, even if he wasn’t aware of him. Understanding left me the day our son was born and I realized he might never know his father. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore, it was clear to me how I felt. I wanted him back in my life, but I wanted to hear him say he wanted the same thing.

I left the monitor down stairs on the coffee table on purpose. I knew Octavia would tell him. I was waiting for him to ask her as I picked Jace up, my entire mood changing. I smiled at him, his giggle making my smile get bigger, “hey buddy. Ah you stink.”

He laughed, “mama!”

I would never get tired of hearing his little voice call me. I rubbed my nose against his, as he kissed my cheek. I was singing a song to him as I laid him down on the changing table. It took me a long time to master changing him. He peed on me pretty much every single time I opened his diaper. My mom thought it was great, she would laugh as I tried to tame him. Again she called it payback.

“You’re so happy now that you napped,” I smiled as he kicked his legs and I put the fresh diaper on him. My heart stopped as I heard Bellamy’s voice in the monitor asking Octavia what had just happened.

She dodged his question, “you need to talk to her Bell. Don’t act like this stranger. Talk to her. She misses you too. I’ve spent the last year hearing all the stories about you two. She still loves you, but you know her. She’s too stubborn to let you know that she has been waiting for you.”

Bellamy sighed, “a son? She has a son? So she didn’t wait for me, did she? She met someone else and now there’s a baby,” he sounded as hurt as I felt. Good maybe he would finally get why I couldn’t decide where my feelings landed.

“Talk to her. God you two are so alike. I’ve told her to call you so many times. I told her to keep writing, you would cave and answer her. But no, she wouldn’t talk to you. Because you’re both better at hiding your pain than dealing with what’s right in front of you,” there was a muffled curse, “talk to her, Bellamy. I’m done being the middleman.”

The front door closed, one of them had left. The monitor was quiet, and I tickled Jace’s arms as I put him into a new outfit. I pushed his curls out of his face, I needed to get him a haircut. It was so long and cute, but it was hanging in his face now. He was fussing more with it lately. I smoothed down his hair and pulled at his toes.

He was small for a two year old. I couldn’t believe he had been as small as he was when he was born. He had gotten big fast, his little fingers clasped mine easily. I pulled him up into my arms, smiling at my tiny baby boy. Part of me was glad he was so small, I didn’t want him to grow up just yet.

“Mama sad?” his little voice was soft as he reached up and touched my cheek. I shook my head, I wasn’t sad when I was with him. He was the brightest spot in this crazy life of mine.

I pulled him into my arms and bounced him on my hip, listening to him giggle as I did it. Then I jumped at the sound of someone standing in the doorway. Bellamy cleared his throat, and I felt my heart stop. This was the moment he hated me. I took in a deep breath and turned around to look at him.

“Clarke,” he stopped when I turned and he looked at the baby in my arms. I knew in that moment the question died on his lips. It was like staring into a mirror, Jace had all of Bellamy’s features. I let out a slow breath, walking towards him.

Jace looked at me and then at Bellamy, “Bell. This is uh, this is Jace.”

His eyes were huge as he stared at his son, “he’s mine.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. His brown eyes settled on mine, waiting for my answer. I nodded, my hands were steady because I was holding Jace, “yes,” I finally found my voice again, “this is your son.” 

He looked like he was going to be sick. His face was pale, his hands were running through his hair. He looked away from me, he looked at Jace and then closed his eyes. I knew I shouldn’t have sprung this one him. Octavia had promised to help, she left the moment there was tension in the room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered his question. 

Jace was getting heavy in my arms, but I kept him between us. Bellamy couldn’t stop staring at him, “because I found out the day you took the last spot to boot camp. You were so excited, I knew I couldn’t burden you with this. So I let you go and I stayed here with Jace. If you had answered my letter I would’ve told you before this moment.”

He swallowed, his adam’s apple moving along his neck, “so you were selfish. You knew I would've stayed to help you," he threw his hands up, "I missed my son’s birth, I missed him walk, and say his first words. You did it all on your own.”

I nodded, “yes I was selfish. I didn't want to force you to stay. This was your dream, to follow your dad's footstep. You were so excited," I had been strong for too long, "I loved you too much to ask you to stay. I wouldn't be the reason you regret your life. I was as selfish as you were when you decided it was for the best that we break up without talking about it with me. That’s how selfish I was.”

There were tears in his eyes, "that wasn't your choice to make, Clarke. I should've known about my child. You let me go off to war knowing I might not have come back and you still didn’t tell me that I had a son.”

I crossed my arms, "he knows who you are. I told him bedtime stories about his superhero father. I told you I would wait for you. I just didn't mention you'd have a mini me waiting too.”

"I don't know if I can ever forgive you," his voice was hard, "you don't know what happened over there. If I had known I had this to come home to," he shook his head, "it might have been easier to avoid the scars.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, "you don't know how hard this has been for me. I understand you're hurt, but you cut me off. If you had answered my letter, maybe I could've told you about him. Maybe we wouldn't be acting like strangers. Maybe you'd still be in love with me.”

His eyes were wide, "Clarke I never said I didn't love you anymore.”

I felt Jace pull at my long hair. That was his thing right now, pulling hair, "no you didn't have to say it. You just made sure I could tell.”

He stood there shaking his head, "Clarke. I just. I think we both need some time to deal with this. I mean, I have a son.”

"We have a son," my voice broke as I reminded him we created this life together. My heart felt heavy as Jace looked at Bellamy. He smiled, that adorable little smile that always got me, "but you pushed me away Bellamy. When you weren't here I still had hope. I hoped you would come home and realize what an idiot you were for cutting me off. Now I can't look at you without seeing someone I don't know.”

He reached towards me, Jace holding onto my shoulder. I could tell that hurt him, his own son cowering away from him, "Clarke. I'm sorry. You hurt me too.”

I nodded, "then maybe we're even. I could never hate you, Bellamy. Not after you gave me the greatest gift in the world. But right now I can't do this and I don’t think you’re ready to face this either.”

He nodded and then turned away from me, I wanted to call after him, but I couldn't. Jace started to cry, Bellamy's deep voice scaring him. I hugged him close to me, hoping one day he would understand just how much his dad loved him. Even if we weren't together, Jace would know his parents agreed on one thing. And that was how much we loved him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the anniversary of her father's death. Clarke does what she always does, takes Jace to visit his grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just sort of a set up. I promise it's going to get better! I have this big plan worked out, I just have to work through a few minor scenes. So stay tuned after this chapter there's some good ones coming up! I like to keep updating as soon as possible. SO Hopefully you get another this weekend =)
> 
> Happy reading and thanks for all the wonderful comments. I love them!

Bellamy didn't talk to me for three days. He would come to see Octavia and thank my mom endlessly for watching her, but he avoided me. I didn't blame him, he was angry. I was just glad he was home in one piece. Still I knew there was more to the story. I knew he wasn't telling them everything about his time over seas.

The day he spoke to me again was the anniversary of my dads death. It was a pity conversation, but it still made me hopeful. 

My dad died when I was fourteen. They say it was a heart attack. He was rewiring something in the basement and he got shocked. No one was home, he thought he was fine and kept working. I found him passed out on the ground unconscious hours later. 

It was too late. Once we got him to the hospital his heart had already stopped. He was gone, I wasn't able to save him. Maybe that's why I wanted to become a doctor, I wanted to save people. Because I hadn't been able to save the one person I loved most in this world. It was hard to forget finding my father like that, I was hard on myself. It took a long time for me to forgive the world for taking my dad away from me.

It was around the time I met Bellamy when I let go of my anger and frustration of losing my dad and realized he would want me to live my life. Falling in love helped ease the pain in my heart. 

I held Jace as we stood over his grandfathers grave. Every year I came on his birthday. It was close to mine, which meant I came twice. Once for him and once for me. Jace was holding the flowers in his hand, I was making sure he didn't eat them. He wanted to put everything in his mouth these days. 

"Your grandfather would've loved you," I said softly, wondering if my dad could see me now. I wondered if he would be proud of the decisions I made. I knew he would have been so proud of Jace. The sun was warm, I moved Jaces hair off his forehead, "he would've been thrilled to have a son. I know he always wanted one."

My dad told me once that I was an only child because they were too busy to have more children. They always wanted a big family, but when I came along so did the promotions, my mom became a surgeon and my dad became a big boss for his company. They didn't have time for babies, so they put that dream on hold. 

A few years turned into ten and they realized I was too old to have a baby sister or brother. They spoiled me rotten because of that. Of course I was okay with being an only child. But I knew my dad had always yearned for a son. Maybe this was his way of telling me he was watching over me. Jace and I were being guided by some invisible hand up there. It had to be my dads. 

I laid the flowers down against his stone. He had missed so much of my life. He didn't get to see my graduation, the birth of my first boy. He didn't get to guide me through dates or scare Bellamy when he picked me up. He wasn't here to tell me I needed to forgive Bellamy because he was the father of my child. He would never walk me down the aisle and give me away. My father would never meet any of his grandchild, if there were more to come. A lump formed in my throat. Jace would never know the amazing man who raised me and taught me everything I would teach him. 

Jace wiggled in my arms. I looked at him and he grabbed my cheek and pushing his mouth against my skin. He always kissed me when I looked sad. I laughed, hugging him tightly. It was like he knew exactly what I needed, he was helping me through this birthday. Last time I had fallen apart like this he was a tiny seed in my belly. This time he was here to witness the mess that was his mother. 

"I love you little boy," I said kissing his cheek as he grabbed a fistful of my hair. 

He tried to chew on his finger. I pulled it out of his mouth, “I love you mama.”

I knelt down to the ground, sitting on the blanket I had spread out. I sat Jace down, watching as he grabbed the grass. He was a happy little boy for reasons I never understood. He never wanted more than I could give him, he was content with our simple little lives. I was amazed at how lucky I had gotten. I sighed, looking at the gray stone that had my dad's name engraved on it. I always spent a few hours here, thinking and wondering how life could've been different. If my dad hadn't died would I have gotten pregnant? Or would I be on break from med school telling them both about the workload I had taken on last semester?

Would Bellamy be in my life? I was hoping that last answer was a yes. I knew some way Bellamy and I would've been together. Somehow we would've found each other. 

"Clarke," I jumped at his voice. He hadn't come over in three days. Whenever he wanted to see his sister she would go to him. She wouldn't tell me about his life anymore. She had been serious about stepping down as the middleman.

I turned as Bellamy stood behind me. He knelt down, Jaces brown eyes big as he looked at his father. He was smiling down at his son. This was the first peaceful moment we had since he had gotten home, "how did you know I was here?"

"Your mom told me you come here on his birthday," he sat down beside me, his hands shaking slightly. He looked nervous, "I uh. I'm sorry. For leaving, for hurting you. I'm sorry I called you selfish.”

I looked at him, blinking against the sunlight, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jace. I was scared and I didn't want you to hate me for springing it on you. You said it was the last spot for boot camp. I couldn't ask you to stay."

He nodded, "I know we aren't in the best place, our heads and our hearts are battling. But I would really like to know my son.”

I looked at Jace, I knew no matter how upset I was with Bellamy he had every right to know his father. I had been dreaming of his reunion since Jace was born. I nodded my head, "he's your son too.”

Bellamy's smile was beautiful as he moved closer to Jace. He was hesitant at first, "hey Jace. I'm Bellamy.”

He looked at me and I nodded, “Bellme."

He had trouble with some words, but Bellamy smiled at his butchered name, "Bell works too.”

We would ease into telling Jace who he really was once we figured out what we were doing. I couldn't let my son get his hopes up over a father who wasn't going to stick around. Although I knew I was already getting mine up. 

Bellamy picked Jace up and pulled him onto his lap. His muscles were tight against his black shirt, I noticed because my heart kept screaming at me to stop being an idiot and tell him I love him. But my head wouldn't let me.

"Everyone kept telling me how much he looks like you. I never doubted them, but seeing you two together. It’s unreal,” I watched as Jace giggled against Bellamy tickling him. The wind pushed my hair in front of my face, "when they handed him to me in the hospital, it was like you came back to me. He opened those eyes and I knew he'd get anything and everything he ever wanted.”

His eyes found mine, "I wish I could've been there.”

"Me too," I whispered, feeling more tears in my eyes. I shook my head, "but you're here now. You didn't come back in a box.”

He looked back down at Jace, "but I didn't come back in one piece either. I left pieces scattered across the ocean.”

We didn't say anything for a few minutes. Jace wrapped his tiny fingers around Bellamy's middle finger and I smiled. I wondered if he realized this man was the star of all his bedtime stories. 

"Did you even consider writing me back?" I asked the question before I realized I was ruining a perfectly good moment. Jace tapped Bellamy's cheek, giggling as he blew out his lips.

Bellamy sighed, "I wrote three different letters. I couldn't send them, because I didn't want you to wait for me. You were always going to make something more of yourself. I thought I was setting you free. You were always better than me.”

"Thanks not true. You protected our country, you are a hero," he threw Jace up in the air, his laughter filling our ears. For a second the moment was filled with happiness, "besides I loved you. That should've been enough.”

He tucked Jace into his arm, his tiny eyes getting heavy. It was almost time for his nap, we had stayed longer than usual today, "sometimes it's not enough.”

Jace curled up in his dad's arm, my heart ached. He looked so tiny in Bellamy's big arms, so comfortable. There was a time when I lived within those arms. I was jealous of my son and the affection Bellamy was giving him. He hadn't looked at me that way since he met Jace. 

I took in a deep breath, "what happened over there Bell?”

"I don't want to talk about it.”

He shut down fast. His hands balled into fists as Jace fell asleep against him. He didn't move, his lips formed a thin line. I knew the conversation was over. I knew I wouldn't find anything out. Still I pressed, because I wanted to know how to help him. I wanted to find the map that lead us back to each other. 

It was buried inside both of us. Mine was easier to find than his. He was holding it in his arms. 

"Bell," my voice was soft.

"Don't do that. Don't be hard one minute and soft the next. You said you don't want to be friends, so we won't be. But Jace is my son too, and I missed the first two years of his life. Because you didn't tell me about him. So if anyone has the right to be angry it's me.”

My mouth fell open, he looked back at me hard. I was going to tell him how I felt. The hatred had subsided a little. Seeing him more often made me cross the line of love and hate. 

"You said you're torn between still loving me and hating me. Well so am I. I'm torn between coming home to a girl I thought I was over, and finding a child who looks just like me. It's hard to see anything but red when I'm with you," his words were hard, "forgive me if I'm not kissing your ass and begging you to take me back.”

I laughed, "I never wanted you to kiss my ass. I wanted you to be here with us. I wanted you to choose me, to love me. I guess you're right, we aren't the same people anymore. I was in love with his father, the man who was there the night he was conceived. You, this Bellamy, he's a stranger. I don't know who you are anymore, and you won't let me in to understand what you went through.”

"Right because it's always my fault," even though his words were rough, he still held Jace gently against his chest. The baby didn't even open his eyes as we fought, "nothing ever falls on you huh princess?”

I stood up, grabbing the stroller, "I won't do this. I can't fight with you today. I can't fight with you when you're holding Jace.”

Bellamy followed me, standing up and towering over my small frame, "every single time I imagined coming home, I wanted you to be standing there. I wanted you to wait for me, just like you wanted me to choose to stay.”

I took my son out of his arms, laying him gently into the bed of blankets I had laid down in his stroller. We both watched him curl up with the patchwork one, "and I wanted you to pull me into your arms and tell me everything you told me the day you left was a lie. I guess we're done lying to each other huh?”

"Clarke," he called after me, but I pushed away. This was supposed to be my day, this was my dad's birthday. I wouldn't let Bellamy ruin the one tradition I had adopted that kept me from falling apart every single time this day rolled around. Everyone knew the day he left me I fell apart even more than I did now. 

Octavia was waiting for us when we got back. Jace was still sleeping so I laid him down on the couch gently, "you look like hell.”

I wiped a tear off my cheek, "probably because I ran into your brother.”

"Well then I understand. It's been what three days now?”

I nodded, "yeah. We probably need more than three days since he got upset with me again. I'm surprised Jace hasn't asked who he is yet.”

Octavia sighed, "he will. That boy is sharp, you know hell ask about his dad one of these days.”

"I know," I closed my eyes, feeling even more exhausted than usual, "what am I supposed to do? You're my best friend, O. I need help.”

She pulled me into her side and hugged me tightly. I took in a breath and felt better letting it all out. She pressed her lips against my temple, "it'll work out. I know somehow it'll work out. You and my brother, you're supposed to find your way back to each other.”

I closed my eyes hoping she was right. We both needed a miracle to survive whatever it was that had broken us in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets a day to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a small chapter. I wanted to update today for you guys, so this is what you get.
> 
> I love all the comments, even the constructive criticism! I think there's always room for improvement.  
> Thanks so much for reading =)

Jace was fussier than normal the day after I took him to my dads grave. He was warm and he cried more than usual. He wouldn't go to anyone but me or my mom. Which was usual because he loved everyone. He especially love Octavia. My mom said he was probably getting his molars, so we gave him a frozen waffle to chew on. It calmed him down for a while.

After our second fight Bellamy called to apologize. He asked if he could come see Jace at the house and he promised to behave. He told me he was working through everything that had happened. He found that being with Jace helped clear his mind more than talking to the therapist his recruiter set him up with. 

I couldn't deny him contact with his son. Not when he told me he was keeping him sane. Still it hurt that he didn't want to talk about us, he didn't want to even attempt to think about us. Jace was the one thing that kept us connected and for that I was grateful. At least he was still in my life. Somehow I’d find a way to get back into his heart.

As fussy as Jace was I wanted Bellamy to come see him. I wanted our son to believe nothing was wrong. He was still young, he didn’t realize something had changed with me. But he was my baby, I wanted him to know no matter what I loved him. He seemed to like Bellamy, which means I had to play nice with him. 

It was nice outside, but I kept Jace inside with me because he seemed tired. Jace was on the couch with me. He was chewing on his waffle, I ran my fingers through his hair. He was watching the cartoon I had turned on, his little eyes going back and forth across the screen, “hey bub,” he wiggled under my hand, “do you ever wonder about your dad?”

He sat up and looked at me. His big brown eyes wide as he smiled, the waffle in his mouth covered with slobber, “mama,” he tapped my chest. 

I grabbed his hand and kissed it, smiling at his cute little face, “yes I’ll always be your mama. But some kids get a daddy too.”

I pushed his curls behind his ear, something I was doing constantly lately. I made a mental note to get those wild curls tamed down, but not cut completely. I loved his curls, they reminded me of the man I used to know. He looked at me, his little face bright, “Bell!”

My heart froze as he smiled. I thought he was saying he wanted Bellamy as his father. He would’ve been too smart to be my child if that was what he suggested. My face was pale, my mouth halfway open. No words came out, I didn’t know what to say, what to tell him. I hadn’t thought this far ahead.

His little eyes went towards the window and I realized he saw him through the curtains. Bellamy was coming up the walk. I felt more relief in that moment than I knew was possible as Jace jumped up and ran towards the door to meet him. I didn’t realize how much he liked Bellamy until then. He stood there looking more alive than he had in the last few hours waiting for Bellamy to open the door.

It was like I had traveled back in time, watching him pull the door open and walk into the house without knocking. He used to do that all the time when we were in high school. I smiled in spite of the situation at hand.

“Hey buddy,” Bellamy scooped him up in his arms once he was through the door, “I swear you got bigger.”

My heart hurt as the two men I loved most stood there together. Even if we weren’t a couple, even if we never became a couple again, we would always have this connection. We would always have this beautiful little boy to bring us together. 

“Hey,” I stood up off the couch and gave Bellamy a small smile, “I’m glad you came.”

He nodded his head, “thanks for letting me come over. I’m sorry again, about yesterday,” he carried Jace with ease as he walked into the living room.

I shrugged, “there’s a lot we have to deal with. We’re both stubborn, no one should be surprised we fight the way we do,” I couldn’t stop my smile as I saw Jace wrap his arms around Bellamy’s neck and hug him tightly.

Bellamy blew his hair out of his face, “where did this child get all this hair?”

I laughed, watching Jace shake his head. He was rather proud of his curls, “I have no idea,” Bell smiled at my sarcasm, “but it gave me heartburn for a full nine months.” 

He flashed me a smile, but it wasn’t genuine. I could see the hurt playing behind his eyes. I used to wonder what it would be like to have Bell there with me. I wondered if he would go out and get me something for my weird cravings, or if he would put his hand against my stomach and feel his child kick. Now that he was here, I realized just how much I wanted him there while I was carrying Jace.

The past was the past. I couldn’t change what had happened. All I could do was hope and pray that somehow Bellamy would stay in our future.

He took in a breath, Jace pulling on his shirt, “so I was wondering if I could take him to the park?”

I bit my lip, I never really let him with anyone but my mom and Octavia. I knew he would be fine, he loved Bellamy even if they had only met a few days ago. I was glad he had taken to him so fast, but I was still a mother. I worried about letting him out of my sight with anyone. I watched Jace listen to Bellamy as he waited for me to answer him, and I slowly nodded my head. I knew at some point I had to let go of his hand. 

“Okay,” Jace smiled back at me and I realized he had Bellamy’s smile. God they were a force I couldn’t deal with when they were together, it was scary how alike they were. Bellamy was staring at Jace, “bub, go get your shoes okay? I need to tell Bell a few things.”

He hugged me tightly before he ran up the stairs, stomping loudly as he went. I looked at Bellamy, laying my hand on his arm. His skin was warm under my fingers and I felt that spark I thought we had lost was still there, “I haven’t told him who you are yet.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him until you say it’s okay. Let’s figure us out first. Then we can tell him together. For now I just want to get to know him.”

I squeezed his arm, “I missed this Bellamy.”

I let my hand fall, feeling that familiar tug on my heart. I really had missed him. He was my best friend, it had been hard doing this without him. I just wanted to hear him tell me he had missed me just as much.

“He’s still here,” his voice was soft, “he’s just got some scars and bruises he has to heal before he finds his way back to you.”

Jace came bounding down the stairs and into me, wrapping his arms around my legs. He was giggling loudly before I had a chance to say anything back to Bellamy. I took in a breath, picking him up and rubbing our noses together. I used to do that when he was a baby, before he could give kisses to people. Whenever he liked you, he would rub his nose against yours.

He kissed my cheek, “you come too mama?”

Bellamy was watching us, I could tell he was enjoying the moment between us, “no. I think Bell wants it to be a guys day. Just you and Bell, how does that sound?”

Jace pulled my hair then buried his tiny face in my shoulder. This was the reason I took time off of school while he was a baby. He was my baby boy, he knew I was his mom. I was the one who changed his diapers, who fed him every morning, and tucked him into bed every single night. He was my pride and joy, he knew how much I loved him.

I laughed as he rubbed his nose against my cheek again. I saw the tears in Bellamy’s eyes as he kept staring, “okay. Love you mama.”

I kissed him before he wiggled out of my arms and reached for Bellamy. They were both smiling as he picked him up and Jace rubbed his nose against his cheek, making me choke up. I took in a breath, trying to remember where I was going before he acted as cute as he did.

Bellamy smiled, “you behave Jace Ash. Don’t be a terror and listen to Bellamy. Don’t be afraid to yell at him. He can be handful when he wants to be.”

He giggled as I tickled his sides, Bellamy holding him tightly against his hip. Bellamy set him down and then took his hand in his. I took a mental picture of this image, it was the most beautiful scene I had ever watched play out, “you guys have fun.”

Bellamy looked back at me, “do you want him home at a certain time?”

I shook my head, wondering what I’d do with all my free time, “no. I trust you Bell. Just make him listen. He likes to pretend he doesn’t know what the word no means and he’ll give you and evil little giggle instead of listening.”

Bellamy nodded his head and then he was pulled out the door before he could answer me with words, “come Bell. Let’s go.”

I watched them run off together from the doorway. I smiled at the scene play out. Bellamy grabbed Jace around the waist and threw him into the air. I could hear his laugh all the way down the street. It was a baby step, but I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe we had taken a step towards forgiving each other.

 

—-

 

I spent my free hours on myself. I got my haircut and went downtown to the stores I used to shop at. I looked around at the things I used to wish I could buy, but never had enough money for. Those things didn’t seem to matter anymore. I bought Jace a few pair of shorts, I never really had a need to buy myself anything these days. I was a mom, I always found things for my baby instead. 

It was nice to spend time with myself. I remembered how easy it was to have a routine, to have a moment to think about something other than spit up or dirty diapers. I remembered the Clarke I was before my life had changed. Somehow I found my way to the park and I sat at a picnic table. I enjoyed the warm sun hitting my face. I even broke out my old sketchbook and tried to do a few outlines. Then I started to wonder what Bellamy was doing with Jace. I wondered if they were talking. I wondered if Jace was listening. 

After about an hour of drawing and people watching, I went home and found myself some dinner. My mom was working late, Octavia had gone out with Lincoln, so I was left to my own devices. When I got pregnant I learned out to cook quickly. I didn’t want my baby eating frozen meals the way I did, so I took it upon myself to get a few meals down easily. I fixed myself some chicken, wondering if I should make more than just one plate. I was secretly hoping Bellamy would come back with Jace and I could convince him to stay. 

He didn't come back for dinner. But he did bring my son home already fed. Apparently he had gotten hungry so Bellamy took him to the store and got him food and snacks. They went back to the park and ate together. My son was so excited to spend the day with Bellamy, it made me smile.

When Bellamy decided to leave, Jace begged him to stay. I tried to hide my smile, I wanted Bellamy to stay too, but I wouldn’t beg him. He looked at me and I shrugged, “what can I say? He loves you.”

Bellamy laughed, that deep laugh that came from deep inside his stomach, “well I think I love him too. But I have to get home, Jace. I’ll come over tomorrow, I promise.”

He stuck his lower lip out, pouting because he didn’t get his way. He kicked his foot against the ground and then nodded his head. He had taken to Bellamy fast, he needed a male role model in his life. I realized in that moment how much I missed my dad, how much Jace needed someone to be there for him. I wanted Bellamy to be his father, not just the stories Jace heard. But the father who told him the bedtime stories and took him to the park like he did today. I wanted him to be the man who showed him how to be a man.

Jace was exhausted that night, Bellamy had warn him out. Putting him to bed had been a breeze. I didn’t have to rock him or read to him. He fell right asleep after his warm bath. Once his head hit the pillow, his little eyes were closed and he was out. I, on the other hand, had a terrible time falling asleep. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from racing. I was fighting with my head, my heart aching to ask Bellamy to forgive me. I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted it more than anything. I wanted us to be the family I used to dream about.

I pushed my hair out of my face, turning to face the wall when I heard my phone buzz beside my bed. Jace had crashed with me, his little feet pressed against my legs. They were freezing and I knew how much Bellamy hated when I warmed my feet with his body heat when we were still together. I sighed, rolling over and grabbing it before he woke up.

Raven’s name flashed across my screen. She rarely called me these days, “hello?”

“I know you’re probably sleeping, but I didn’t know who else to call. You need to get down here,” I heard yelling in the background, something that sounded like glass crashed. I sat up, all thoughts of sleep gone, “it’s Bellamy. He’s going to get himself killed.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke rescues Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda short and right to the point. I wanted to update since most of you didn't like that cliff hanger.  
> There's also some Bellarke I'm sure you've all been waiting for.
> 
> Not sure how many chapters are left, but you'll definitely enjoy the ones I have coming =)

I was in panic mode after I hung up the phone with Raven. I picked Jace up gracefully, carrying him to my mom’s room. I didn’t want to wake her up, but she was a light sleeper. Her eyes were narrow as I laid him down beside her. I asked her to watch him, telling her there was an emergency. I didn’t waste time explaining and she didn’t ask. She tucked him in beside her, and I ran out the door before she could wake up fully.

My knuckles were white as I gripped the steering wheel tightly in my hands. My mind was racing, Raven didn’t give me anything to go on. All she said was that Bellamy was in trouble. Apparently he hadn’t gone right home after he dropped Jace off. I ran my hand through my messy hair, looking down at my black pajamas. I didn’t even care about putting clothes on, all I cared about was getting to Bellamy before he did something stupid.

I whipped into the first spot I saw outside the bar. I was imagining the worst possible scenario playing out behind the doors. I scrammed out of my car, my heart was about to beat out of my chest as I ran up to the entrance and opened the doors. 

Raven grabbed my arm before I got too far into the place, “thank god. He won’t stop. I cut him off an hour ago, but he’s been here all evening. He keeps picking fights. The cops are on their way, I didn’t call them. He needs to go or they’ll arrest him.”

I nodded, watching him. He was staggering around the front of the bar, an audience had gathered listening to him rant. He had a beer in his hand, he was mumbling, his hair messy even in it’s short state. He looked broken, he looked haunted.

Someone threw a glass at him, he ducked without any grace. I was surprised he stayed standing as he laughed, taking another swig of the beer in his hand. I watched as he raised his hand, running through his air. He was agitated, I could see it in his stance. He mumbled something I couldn’t hear, pushing a chair out of his way. The chair landed with a thud against the ground, a few people jumped from the sound. Raven was watching me watch Bellamy.

I had no idea what to do. Then his eyes fell on me, “why’d you come? So you can lie some more?” he looked at the audience he had and threw his hands up, “she kept me away from my son. I never knew I was a father because she was selfish! Can you believe that?”

A few of them looked towards me and I sighed. I walked towards him, reaching for his arm. He was gone, he was so drunk I didn’t recognize him. I hated seeing him like this. I reached for him, but he pulled his arm away from me, "Bell I think it's time to go home. Come on, I'll take you.”

He laughed, but it was an evil laugh, "what home? My sister still lives with you. I spent the last two years in a tent. You, you princess go back to your big castle. Leave me here.”

I watched him take a swig of beer, glancing towards Raven. She shook her head, she hadn't given it to him. I sighed, "Bellamy please. Come home with me. Jace needs you.”

"Jace doesn't even know I'm his father. Because you're a selfish bitch who let me go off to boot camp without telling me you were pregnant," he got real close to me, his face inches away from mine. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he sighed, "did you think about getting rid of it? Were you too scared? I mean, I can't believe you gave up med school for a child I know you never actually wanted.”

I didn't think about it, my hand flew up and slapped him across the face. I was angry, I didn't care if he was drunk. He wouldn't call my child a mistake, "no I never considered that. Jace is my child, he was not, nor will he ever be a mistake. And if you don't clean up your act he will never know who you are."

Bellamy looked shocked that I slapped him. He pressed his hand against his cheek, I watched him process what had happened. I took in a breath, his glossy eyes focusing on me. He had no right to say those things. He could call me every name in the book, but he would not call my baby a mistake. He kept staring at me, his eyes couldn’t focus entirely. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I wouldn’t let myself comfort him. 

"Take your drunk ass home," someone yelled from his crowd. I looked up and saw one of his old friends sitting at the table in front of us. They were laughing at him, they were enjoying his pain. This was just a show for them, while it was real life for Bellamy. I realized in that moment he was struggling to be home, he was struggling to remember who he was before he became a solider who had ghosts haunting him.

Bellamy spun around, his eyes looking everywhere. I grabbed his waist before he fell down, "hey don't make me shut you up again."

He tried to throw a few punches, but he stumbled. The table broke out into another round of laughter. This time I glared at them, "you know this would be funny if he wasn't battling scars from war," my voice was hard, "you get to live here, free and easy because someone like Bellamy fought on the front lines to secure that freedom. Maybe you should give him a little respect."

That seemed to sober them up. They stopped laughing, a few of their cheeks turning red from embarrassment. Bellamy stopped swinging and looked at me. His eyes were wide, he was focused on them, "I'm not a hero."

I sighed, "let's go. The cops will put you in the drunk tank if you're here when they show up,” I was supporting half his weight and it was hard. He was fuller than he had been before, he had more muscles than I remembered. Still I wouldn’t let him get arrested, I still cared about him even if he didn’t care about himself. 

He set the beer on the bar and looked at me, "Clarke? When did you get here?”

I rolled my eyes, "let's go. You aren't exactly as light as a feather. You’ve got to help me out here," somehow I managed to get him moving towards the door. Raven silently thanked me, I gave her a small, forced smile as I took him to my car. 

He opened the passenger side door and sat down with a thump. The cops pulled up right as I got into my side. I slid behind the wheel, watching as they walked into the bar. I pulled out slowly, Bellamy already snoring in the seat beside me.

"What the hell am I going to do with you?" I asked quietly, my heart breaking for him. I knew there were ghosts chasing him, but I didn’t realize they were this bad. 

This wasn't the Bellamy I had dated in high school. This wasn't the father of my child, the man I thought of on the cold and lonely nights I couldn’t sleep. This was a solider trying to deal with his pain. This man was hurting, but he refused to talk to someone about his pain. I had no idea to help him, but I had to try. I had to do something to find a way to show him this was where he belonged.

I parked the car back in the driveway, sitting there for a second longer than I should. His eyes were closed, he looked so peaceful sleeping. I could've sworn the Bellamy I loved was still in there somewhere. I just had to find him.

I reached over and shook his shoulder gently. He jumped up, his eyes wide, "I'm awake."

I laughed, “so we’re at my house. But you have to be quiet. Jace is asleep, I really don't want your drunk ass waking him up.”

He nodded, pressing his finger to his lips as he sat up. I rolled my eyes as he followed me out of the car. I helped him into the house, we made our way up to my room as quietly as we could. Octavia's door was shut, so was my mom’s. I took that as a sign no one had heard us pull up. Thankfully they were all sleeping. I shut my door quickly as Bellamy laid down on my bed. I turned around and he was passed out again. 

I shook my head, slipping my shoes off before I did the same for him. He had his face buried in my pillow, his arms resting beneath his head. I took in a deep breath as I slipped into the bed beside him, wondering if I should sleep on the couch tonight. I wasn't sure what sober Bellamy would think waking up in bed with me.

It had been too long since I fell asleep listening to him snore. I had missed it more than I thought I would. It was soothing, a reminder of a time that seemed like a lifetime ago now. I pulled the blanket up over his shoulder as I made myself comfortable on the other side of the bed where Jace had been earlier.

I turned so I was facing him, finding his eyes open. He reached for me, his big hand flat against my hip. He pulled me towards him, "I love you.”

My heart skipped a beat, even if he was drunk. I had wanted to hear him tell me that ever since he got back home. I didn’t care why he was saying it, all that mattered in that moment was that he was here with me. I felt tears gather in my eyes, "Bell. You won't remember this tomorrow.”

He sighed, "Clarke I miss you.”

Suddenly he pulled me into his chest, his lips pressed against mine. His fingers curled around my hip, holding me tightly in place. I didn't fight him, I wrapped my arms around his chest, feeling everything I had been missing for the last two years come back to me. His lips were rough, his mouth needy. He had been waiting for this as long as I had. The kiss was sloppy and rushed, we were both afraid the spell would be broken.

But it was our first kiss in two long years. I closed my eyes and savored every single second of it. 

My fingers curled up in his hair, my chest pressed tightly against his. He pulled away first, his breath ragged as I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was smiling, a real smile I remembered from so long ago. He ran his thumb across my bottom lip, his brown eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

"Please don't hate me."

I kissed the palm of his hand, watching as his eyes grew heavy once again. I waited until his breathing was even and I untangled myself from his arms. I let out a slow breath, looking up at the ceiling full of stars I had painted for Jace when he was a baby, "I could never hate you."

He didn't hear me, he was sound asleep. His arms were out in front of him, all that was missing was me curled up in his side. We had fallen to sleep this way countless times before he left. Now it felt different, it felt too intimate for where we were in our lives. I loved him, I wasn't fighting myself anymore. But he needed to find a way to deal with the pain that was following him before we decided what was best for our little family.

I looked over at him, running my fingers through his hair the way I did whenever I watched Jace sleep. It was the only way I felt connected to both of them, “I forgave you the moment our son was born, Bell. I just don’t think you’ve forgiven yourself.”

I thought keeping our child out of his life would make help him focus on his life. I thought it would keep him safe. But maybe carrying that burden myself had been too much. Maybe that was part of the pain he was trying to deal with. He wouldn’t tell me that he was hurting, but I could see it in his eyes. He was upset that he hadn’t been here when Jace was born, he hadn’t been here for me or his son for the first year of his life. I let him leave without thinking how it would affect him once he was back here. Then again I hadn't been sure I would see him again.

A tear fell down my cheek as I realized part of his ghosts were my fault. I put my hand against his cheek, “please don’t hate me,” I repeated his earlier words, “because it’s not just me anymore. It’s Jace who needs you too.”

I wiped away a tear, letting out a breath as I tried to pull myself back together. I had been strong for the last two years all on my own. Now I was falling apart the same time Bellamy needed me the most. I had no idea how we were supposed to support each other when we were hurting so much. I wasn’t lying, I had forgiven him and finally let him back into my life. Now all I needed was for him to forgive me, and to realize what he needed was to find his place here in this little town.

That place was here with me and his son.

I closed my eyes, feeling light headed from the events that had taken place. Bellamy wouldn't remember a single moment of this night in the morning. That didn't matter, because I would. No matter what happened next, I knew there was no turning back. My heart won, Bellamy Blake was my drug, his kiss was my high. Loving this man was my weakness and yet somehow I came out stronger every single time.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Bellamy's drunken adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got a little long, but it's important as one full scene. 
> 
> Love all the comments and kudos, they make me smile. Thanks so much for reading =)

Someone kept tossing and turning beside me. The covers were pulled away from me at the same moment I felt legs kicking my shin. I opened my eyes to find Bellamy restless beside me. His face was scrunched up in pain. He had worry lines across his forehead, there was sweat matting his hair to his skin. I reached towards him just as he bundled the blankets up in his fists. He looked like he was going to try and tear them apart.

"No," he jerked his head. His entire body was tense, "Jasper! I can't. No!”

He kicked me again, I knew there would be a bruise. He was dreaming, he was back at war. He whimpered, if he eyes were open I knew there would be tears. I sat up, reaching towards him. I shook his shoulder, "Bellamy. Bell wake up.”

"No," he whimpered as I felt his warm skin under my hand. His whole body was covered in sweat. He had been having a nightmare for a while now it seemed. 

I grabbed his face and held it in my hands, “Bellamy Blake. Wake up.”

He opened his eyes and for a moment he looked lost. He wasn't drunk anymore, he was in pain. I understood everything that had happened at the bar. It was in that moment I saw why he had to drink away his problems. He had these dreams every single night. He was chasing away the ghosts the only way he knew how.

"Clarke?" his voice was soft as his eyes focused on me. 

I nodded, running my hand down his cheek, “you’re safe, here with me. You’re home.” 

Then I pulled his face to mine, kissing him softly. His lips were soft, hesitant at first, slow to respond. But when he kissed me back, he wrapped his strong arms around me and held me as tightly as he could. I pulled on his shoulders, trying to hold him together the only way I knew how. This kiss should’ve been our first, slow and passionate, full of the longing we had been pushing away for days now.

Maybe we didn't have it figured out, but I wouldn't let him wake up from nightmares like this. He needed to know someone was on his side. I kissed him softly, my lips light against his. 

I pulled away, feeling tears gather in my throat, "It was just a dream. It's not real, Bell. Come back to me.”

He looked shocked to be here, to see me, "sometimes I can't remember what's real and what isn't," his voice broke and he pulled me into his chest. He held me tightly, "I used to imagine you waking me after a nightmare. I thought you were the only one who could take the pain away.”

I laced my fingers through his as we settled back into bed. I took in a breath, "do you still believe that?”

His voice broke, "I don't know what I believe anymore.”

I knew he was still hurt about Jace. I didn't say anything else, I closed my eyes and listened to his heart beat slow down, his breathing even out. I knew the moment he fell asleep there was no going back. I needed him to find his way back to me. I needed him to understand that I would always love him.

 

\---

 

The sun was shining brightly through my window. I was sweating, that's when I realized there were arms around me. My pillow was hard and lumpy, when I moved I was stuck. I opened my eyes and saw tan skin. Bellamy had pulled me into him last night. My head was on his chest, his arms holding me tightly. 

I laid there looking at his face. He wasn’t in pain anymore, he looked peaceful. The worry lines on his forehead were smooth, his mouth was parted, his breathing steady. He looked like the boy I had fallen in love with. He looked like someone who didn’t wake up from nightmares, afraid to go back to sleep. I wanted to find a way to make this Bellamy stay here with me.

I ran my finger down his cheek, feeling his arms move to hold me tighter against him. I smiled, kissing his shoulder as I stretched my arms. Maybe he wouldn’t remember last night, but I sure did. I pushed my hair out of my face, kicking the blanket off of me. I had forgotten how hot Bellamy gets when he sleeps.

I blushed, remembering when I’d wake up to his half naked body pressed against mine. Sadly he was still wearing his shirt, I sighed as I untangled myself from him just as my bedroom door opened. Jace's little face peaked in at me, his smiled as he jumped on the bed. I moved to the side empty side of the bed, pressing my finger to my lips so he knew to be quiet.

Jace crawled under the covers and I pulled him close. He kissed my cheek and I smiled as he hugged me tightly. Waking up without his little feet pressed against my stomach, or his giggles in my ear was strange. I had missed sharing a bed with my baby boy. All those nights I thought I missed sleeping alone, I had been wrong.

I couldn’t believe how big he was, walking around all by himself. He was a such a good baby, he would never know just how much I loved him. I got a little chocked up remembering Bellamy's harsh words from the night before. I never wanted Jace to think he was a mistake, or that I never wanted him. I had always wanted him, he was just a little earlier than expected.

As we laid there together, the quiet settling around us, I felt him grab my waist, pulling me back into his chest. Then he pressed his lips against my shoulder. I smiled as Jace laid there beside me, his little eyes sparkling in the sunlight. He was such a happy baby, I had gotten so lucky with him.

I shivered as Bellamy squeezed my hips gently, kissing my skin once more. So many memories came tumbling back in that very moment. This was how Jace came to be, this was the reunion I always imagined is having. For a moment I just let this moment be, imagining this was our life. Waking up together in the same bed, our child giggling as he laid beside me.

"Bell!" Jace didn't yell, but he didn't whisper either. I heard him sigh behind me, his arms still holding me against his chest. He was warm, he always radiated heat when he slept. He didn't move to let me go, but I knew he was smiling as his son woke him up. I'm sure that's something he never imagined happening any time soon.

The sight still made tears appear in my eyes.

"Jace my man," his voice was deep from sleep, he coughed trying to sound closer to normal. I loved his sleep laced voice. He still hadn't tried to push me away, "how did I end up here?”

I turned around to face him, Jace crawling over me not very gracefully, to lay in between us. His leg his my shoulder, his little hand grabbed my face. I laughed as he finally landed in between us, Bellamy's arms no longer around me. I felt cold when his arms fell off of mine. His brown eyes were waiting for me to answer, "Raven called me from the bar.”

He winced, Jace grabbed his hand and started to play with it. I propped my head up on the pillow, waiting for him to tell me this wasn't right. I was so convinced he would be upset about waking up beside me, I didn't realize how happy he looked. There was no sign of the haunted man I picked up last night. 

He sighed, "I don't remember. I know she cut me off. Then it’s all black,” he closed his eyes, "I'm sorry.”

I smiled, seeing how happy Jace was with Bellamy in bed beside me, "I'm not. You aren't alone here, Bell. You've got me, Octavia, my mom. You've got this little boy who thinks you're a superhero. You don't have to get drunk to fight off the demons. We're here for you. We all love you.”

He looked down at Jace, away from me. He was fighting himself, I could see the pain behind his eyes, "I know. I just wish you still loved me the way I want to be loved.”

I opened my mouth to tell him I did, but Jace interrupted, "mama hungry!”

"Okay," I smiled, tears in my eyes. I took in a breath, looking at Bellamy. He smiled as Jace jumped on his chest, laughing loudly as he tickled his sides. He had to know I still loved him, there was no way I could ever stop loving him. We had created a life together, that deep connection we always shared could never be broken. 

I got out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans. I stepped into them, then pulled a tank top on. Jace and Bellamy ran their hands through their wild hair at the same time, making me shake my head. I would never get tired of seeing their actions mirror each other's. I watched my son stick his stomach out, stretching like his father was doing. I knew we needed to tell him.

I just didn't know how. I was scared he wouldn't understand, or that he would get attached to someone who wasn't ready to stay. Mostly I was afraid for myself. I knew once I told my son there was no going back. I knew I wanted Bellamy in our lives, I just didn't know if he was ready. I was afraid I'd get my hopes up before there was something to hope for.

Jace ran out of the room before me. He called after  us, he was bouncing off the walls. Bellamy laughed as he tried to follow. But I grabbed his hand before he could walk away, "I will always be here for you Bell. No matter what you think, I need you too.”

His eyes glazed over, he gave me a short nod of his head. Then Jace came back in to the room clearly upset we hadn't followed him, "Bellme you stay for breakfast? Mama makes pancakes.”

He raised his eyes brows at me, "I learned to cook while you were gone," he laughed as I answered his silent question, "I thought one of us should know how.”

He rolled his eyes, "I'm an amazing cook," he picked Jace up and ran out of the room before I could give him a smart comment. He was right though, he was a hell of a cook compared to my newly acquired skills.

Just another thing I had missed about him. 

I heard their laughter as I walked down the steps. I knew I shouldn't bring up the nightmare, but I wanted to know what had happened. I wanted to know how to help him. I watched as Jace climbed up on one of the stools and started to help break the eggs. 

I stood on the other side of the counter, "so you don't remember anything about last night?”

Bellamy's eyes met mine, "no," he looked at Jace then the bowl, "I don't remember anything where you were involved. I was pretty drunk so I’m sure it wasn’t my most graceful moments.”

I nodded, "that you were. How about this morning? You had a nightmare, talking in your sleep.”

He blushed, big his hands wrapped around Jace's tiny fingers helping him stir the batter. I wanted to take a picture of this moment. I couldn't move, I was waiting for his answer, "Clarke. Can we not do this now?”

The house was empty, I knew if I let him off the hook he would never answer my questions, "if not now then when Bell? I just want to understand. You refuse to tell us what happened, but we know you don't get to walk out of the service for no reason before your four years is up.”

He bit down on his lip, I saw tears spring into his eyes. He took in a deep breath, focusing on Jace instead of me. The house was too quiet, my heart was racing inside my chest. He remembered this morning I could see it through the hurt in his eyes, "Clarke, please. Don't ruin this.”

"Ruin what? This pretend moment we're having? You don't even remember kissing me last night! You said you missed me, the boy I let go was back, and you don't remember. Because you won't let me back in.”

My throat was coated with tears, his eyes finally looking up into mine, "I can't tell you what happened because I don't want to talk about it. This isn't a pretend moment, I want this to work. I want to be with you and our son," his voice got deeper as he yelled, "don't tell me this isn't real. I know it is, I remember what happened this morning.”

A tear fell down my cheek, "it can't be real until you let someone in, Bellamy. That's what makes it real. I know you're dealing with a lot, but talking about it helps.”

“You weren’t there, you don’t know what it’s like to be in a new place where people are trying to kill you because you’re the enemy. I don’t want to talk about it,” his voice was low, if I didn’t know him I might have been afraid of his tone.

I raised an eyebrow, “how do you know? I mean you haven’t even tried.”

He threw his hands up, "Jace maybe we should have breakfast another time.”

His bottom lip started to quiver, his tiny brown eyes filling with tears. I shook my head. I wouldn’t be the reason my son didn’t get to spend time with his father, "no I'll let you two eat. Apparently you can talk to him and all the drunks at the bar. You just can't seem to talk to me.”

"Clarke," he yelled my name was I spun around ready to walk out. Of course our perfect morning together could turn into pure chaos once I brought up the nightmare. I shook my head his voice following me, "don't you walk out that door."

I laughed, "you don't get to tell me what to do anymore.”

He was behind me, Jace was sitting on the stool. I heard him sigh, "why are you such a pain in the ass? God you can't leave anything alone can you?”

"Bellamy all I want is for you to talk to me. We used to talk about everything. Now you can't even look at me without bottling everything up," I shook my head, fighting off more tears that threatened to spill over, "I just wanted to know what happened. I want to help you." 

My hands were in fists as he glared at me. He shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it Clarke. So please just stop asking.”

I felt like pulling my hair out, "just when I think we're getting along, that you're finally letting me back in you shut me out again.”

"You don't need my ghosts haunting you, Clarke. I couldn't ask you to carry that burden too," his voice was hard, his eyes glossy from the tears. I knew whatever it was he was dealing with was more than he could handle. 

All I wanted to do was take away his pain. But I couldn't do that unless he let me in.

Before I could say anything there was a loud crash. I turned around as Jace started screaming. My heart flew into my throat. He was on the kitchen floor, the stool landed on top of him. He was screaming as if someone had pushed him. I didn't wait for Bellamy to follow, I ran to my son.

His face was bright red, his little arm was twisted underneath him, "oh my god.”

I knelt down, his little hand reaching for me. I didn't want to move him, but he was in pain. I picked up the stool and then he started to sit up. His face was red, all I could think about was his little bones breaking. Bellamy didn't wait for my direction, he picked him up in one fluid movement.

"I've got him. We should take him to the ER, get his arm checked out," his voice wasn't as gruff as it had been earlier. I nodded, not trusting my voice for a moment.

Tears were in my eyes as he held his hand in his uninjured one, "it's okay, Jace. You're going to be okay.”

"Mama," he was still crying as I followed Bellamy to the car. I got into the backseat and Bellamy passed him to me. I held him tightly against my chest, his forehead warm, his tears soaking my shirt. 

I closed my eyes, "this is my fault. I should've been watching him.”

"It was an accident," Bellamy pulled onto the highway and looked at me through the rearview mirror, "I shouldn't have left him on the stool. He moved too quickly for both of us. Accidents happen Clarke.”

I wiped tears off his cheeks, humming along to the radio. Then after a moment he settled in my arms, "remember your favorite bedtime story? About the brave soldier who saved the town?" Jace nodded his head, "well he had to run into the burning building to save those people. He didn't cry, he was brave. You have to be brave now, Jace. It's okay to cry because it hurts, but it won't hurt for long."

"Mama," he pressed his head into my chest and I could feel Bellamy watching us. I kissed his cheek, my heart aching to help my little boy. I would trade places with him in a second if it meant he wouldn't be in pain. 

Bellamy pulled to a stop in the roundabout in front of the emergency room, "you're coming in right?”

Now that he knew, I didn't want to do these things alone anymore. I had someone to help me, I wasn't just a single parent anymore. It was nice to rely on someone other than my mom or Octavia when it came to Jace. I finally felt like my life was slightly stable with Bellamy beside me. I knew Jace felt the same, he adored Bellamy. 

He gave me a short nod, "you get him checked in, I'll park the car.”

I jumped out, trying not to move him more than I should as I walked through the sliding doors. I felt better around the nurses, I knew someone could help my child more than I could at the moment. 

"My son fell," I walked up to the nurses station, "I think he might have broken his arm or sprained it.”

She looked at Jace and then nodded, "I need you to fill out these forms and a doctor will be with you shortly," someone came up behind me, grabbing the papers before I could, "can I have his full name for the list?”

"Jace Blake," my voice was steady, which surprised me. I turned to find Bellamy staring at me, his eyes wide as the nurse wrote it down. I offered him a small smile, wondering what was running through his head at that moment.

We stood there staring at each other, Jace getting heavy in my arms. Bellamy looked close to tears when he finally sighed, "you gave him my last name?”

"He's your son, Bellamy. I didn't want to keep him a secret but you pushed me away. I didn't want you to worry, I wanted you to focus on your life. I'm sorry. I know you thought I was being selfish, but I wasn’t."

He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug. I felt his lips press against my forehead. I thought about the kiss we had shared last night, the one this morning. I smiled, despite the circumstances. Somehow we were finding our way back to each other. I hugged him back as best I could with his son in between us. I was just glad he wasn't angry anymore. 

After the short moment Bellamy pulled away and we sat down in the waiting room. He took Jace from me so I could fill out the paperwork. Bellamy talked to Jace, getting his mind off the pain. Jace was still holding his wrist, but he wasn't crying. I couldn't help but steal a glance at them every once in a while. Bellamy was so good with him, it hurt my heart to remember he hadn't been here for the first year of his life.

I filled in the blank spots as fast as I could. Jace had stopped crying, but I knew he was putting on a brave face. Bellamy made him giggle. My pen was running across the page as fast as it would go. This was the first big accident he had ever had. I was surprised at how calm I was. Then I realized if I had to have done this alone I wouldn't be as calm. 

Again I was glad Bellamy had been there this morning. He was always the calm within the storm.

Finally after ten minutes a doctor called us back. Bellamy carried Jace for me, I handed the paperwork to the nurse. Bellamy waited for me, one arm holding our son, the other waiting for me. It was a silent agreement, we had forgiven each other for the time being. Right now all that mattered was our son, which meant we had to stick together. 

We followed the doctor back to the exam room, Bellamy's fingers laced through mine.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace sees the doctor.  
> Clarke and Bellamy finally catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no experience with babies and breaking bones. But I did research and this is what I concluded might have happened. Just putting that out there.
> 
> Bellarke is strong in this scene, Finally! Also I have outlined the last end of this story so it's coming. fair warning.
> 
> Not sure how many chapters, but I love the comments so keep them coming and I will keep writing =)

My mom came to the exam room when she heard we were there. She looked frazzled, like she had run the length of the hospital to make sure no one had died. Bellamy was still holding my hand when she threw the door open, a nurse trying to stop her. The doctor was bending Jace's arm, making him cry again. 

"They told me you were here," her eyes fell on our hands and she stopped, "is everything okay? What happened?”

"Abby take a breath," the doctor laughed and then looked at me, "your son is fine. He didn't break anything, it's just a sprain."

I felt better, Bellamy squeezing my hand gently as relief flooded me, "oh thank god. So will he need a cast?”

He shook his head, "no. But I'm going to wrap it for you today. He's still growing, it should heal in a few days maybe a week. So doctor mom, you can relax.”

He slapped my mom's shoulder and then left the room. I threw my arms around Bellamy as Jace reached for his grandmother, "he's okay," I heard Bell whisper, his voice reassuring.

I let out a breath as he squeezed my shoulder and then I pulled away. I wiped away a tear and then nodded at him. The fight we had had earlier was dissolved, I knew he didn’t want to talk about what had happened to him just yet. I had to respect that as much as he was starting to respect my decision regarding Jace. I took in a breath, his hand squeezing mine once more as I pulled myself together.

My mom was staring at us I could feel her eyes on me. Jace was clinging to her shirt. I could hear her questions, even if her mouth was shut. I looked away, realizing Bellamy was still holding my hand. I smiled as the doctor came back in to wrap Jace's wrist.

An hour later we were released. Jace's tiny arm had a little wrap on it and he was fast asleep in Bellamy's arms. He fussed until Bellamy pulled him onto his lap and let the doctor wrap his wrist too. Now his head was on his shoulder, our hands at our own sides. My mom grabbed my arm before we left.

"Can I talk to you?" Her voice was low. 

Bellamy looked between my mom and I, "okay. I'll just take him to the car.”

I nodded and then she pulled me towards the doors she was heading towards, "what's going on between you two? I know he slept over last night. I know that's where you went.”

I bit my lip, trying to hide my smile, "I don't know. He got drunk and Raven called me. He passed out when I got him back to the house," I sighed, "he needs a friend mom. Even if we haven't figured us out yet, I'll be whatever he needs me to be.”

She gave me a short nod, "well I hope you know what you're doing. That boy’s already attached to your son. Jace isn't far behind either.”

"I know," I didn't stop the smile now, "and I'm really okay with that.”

She squeezed my hand, "I haven't seen you this happy in a long time.”

"Yeah I know," I repeated myself, “I don't think I’ve been this happy in a while. Not since Bell left.”

She hugged me and then kissed my cheek. I knew she worried about me, but she knew I was a big girl. I could make the hard decisions that had to be made when it came to my heart. I was walking a fine line to make sure he didn’t mess with my child’s heart this time.

I walked out to find Bellamy waiting at the curb of the hospital. He gave me that crooked smile as I slipped into the seat beside him, "let's get our boy home."

 

The car ride home was quiet, both of us caught up in our own heads. All I could think about was Jace, he was dozing off in the back. His little wrist wrapped in a tan cloth. It wasn't broken, he was going to be fine. It could've been worse. I was having one of those new mother moments. This was my baby, he had gotten hurt because I wasn't watching.

I stole a glance at Bellamy as he pulled off the highway. His wrist matched Jace's and I smiled. They were so close already. My thoughts wandered back to our kiss this morning. It hadn't been enough, but I had already said my peace. I told him I still cared, now he had to find a way to forgive me. That little boy in the backseat needed both of us. We had learned that today.

We are stronger as a team. We always have been.

Before Bellamy took the exit, he grabbed my hand. I smiled, his big fingers lacing through mine as he looked in the rearview mirror at our son. He squeezed my hand gently. I knew he was telling me exactly what I had been thinking. We were better together. I looked over at him, ready to put our differences aside. I needed to apologize. I needed to respect his choice to fight his own battle.

I squeezed his hand back, my house coming into view, "I'm sorry," I said quietly. I needed him to know I was done fighting, "for what happened over seas, for begging you to talk about it. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to keep you.”

Bellamy kissed the back of my hand, his lips warm against my skin, "I shouldn't have pushed you away. We can't change the past. But I sure as hell know I want to be in your future. You're my family.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking about how much had changed since that day he walked back into my life. He had been so hard and distant, now I could see the Bellamy I knew before he went off to war. I looked at him, his hair a little longer, his body wasn’t as tense. He was coming back to himself, he was coming back to me.

His fingers squeezed mine, “I know I said I couldn’t forgive you for keeping him from me. But the truth is I was mad, I said that to hurt you. I can forgive you, Clarke. If I didn’t I would be the biggest hypocrite known to man, because you forgave me when I pushed you away,” his brown eyes were wide, “so can we call this our truce?”

I nodded, “yeah. I’d like that. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do now that we’re officially done fighting with each other and ourselves.”

“Yes,” he whispered, “we do.”

A huge smile spread across my face as I thought of all the ways I could bring him back to me. We were working through our mess, finding our way back to each other. He was the love of my life, there was no one else I'd rather share my time with. I leaned over the console and kissed his cheek, just as he pulled to a stop in the driveway.

I looked back at Jace, "he's out. Poor kids exhausted.”

Bellamy held up his clothes wrist, "yeah and all he gets to show for it is this ugly wrap.”

"Thanks for helping him. He really admires you. He needs a guy in his life," I bit my lip hard, trying to force away the tears, "he needs you in his life.”

He let go of my hand, brushing back my curls. His brown eyes held so many secrets that I was afraid to unravel, "I need you both in my life.”

I opened my door, feeling the moment linger. I unbuckled Jace before Bellamy could, carrying him into the house. He was heavy when he was asleep, all his weight was dead. Still he fit into my arms the same way he did the day I brought him home. Bellamy held the door open for me as I carried him in and then up the stairs to his room.

Jace had his own room, but ever since he was a baby he slept with me. At first it was because I was terrified he'd smother if I wasn't there. Then it was because he had night terrors. Now he sleeps in my bed because I don't like to sleep alone. He barely stays in his room, only to nap or play. It was weird opening his bedroom door and seeing his bed off to the side.

I laid Jace in his bed, thankful he was okay. He was just exhausted from the adventure he had. I ran my hand down his cheek, pulling the blanket up to his shoulder. I grabbed the baby monitor and turned to leave. I almost ran into Bellamy's chest, he stood so close to me.

"Thank you again, for being there," I whispered as he followed me out the door. I shut it quietly, "I would've been a mess if I had to do that alone.”

He was quiet as we stood there, his eyes staring at his hands. The moment from this morning seemed to hang in the air between us. He sighed and I realized our truce might be short lived when we remembered the reason Jace had gotten hurt in the first place. We stood facing each other, Bellamy looked tense again, "Clarke."

I shook my head, "I really am sorry about earlier. I'll stop asking, I'll respect that you need your space. We have a truce, remember?”

He looked up at me, reaching for my waist. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair. He took in a deep breath, I could feel the tears in the corner of his eyes, "I wish I could tell you. I just," he pulled away searching my eyes for the answer he couldn't find, "I can't go back there. I can't relive losing him.”

My heart stopped. Bellamy looked so broken, the same kind of broken he had been the day his mom died. He had kept it together for Octavia, but once we were alone he needed me to be his support. I nodded, unsure of what to say. I knew there was nothing, no words that could fill the hole in his heart. The hole that matched the one in mine.

He closed his eyes, he seemed to be collecting his thoughts. I watched as his arms fell back beside him. I was about to say something, anything to break the sad spell that had fallen over us when he touched me again. Suddenly his hands were in either side of my face, his eyes open and sparkling just as he pressed his lips to mine. I needed him, I wanted him more than anything in that moment. Sleeping in the same bed hadn't been enough. I pushed my body against his, our kiss saying everything we never got to say.

He pulled away, "I remember kissing you this morning," his hands were on my waist, pushing away the fabric of my shirt, "I remember waking up to you, I remember you telling me that I'm safe.”

I nodded, swallowing my tears, "you are safe here with me.”

"I haven't felt safe in a long time," his eyes shimmered with tears as he sighed, "I still love you Clarke. I've never stopped loving you.”

I pushed my mouth against his, telling him the words that had gotten caught in my throat. I loved him, I never stopped either. He was my first love, I wanted him to be my last. We moved together with perfect ease, years of practice making this moment even more bittersweet. His big hands grabbed my thighs and pulled my feet off the floor. He pressed my back into the wall, I moaned against his lips. I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling him between us. I closed my eyes as his hands moved up my skin, every place he touched burning with desire.

"Bellamy," I moaned his name as he pushed his body against mine. I ran my hands down his shirt, pushing the fabric up as I ran my fingers up his stomach. My heart was racing. I needed him. 

His lips moved to my neck, his breath tickling my skin as he laughed, "your room?”

I nodded, unable to speak as he pulled me off the wall and carried me through the bedroom door. I had never been more grateful that Jace had his own room. I never brought guys home, I never needed space from him. But here in the hallway, I craved more from Bellamy. I moved my hips against his, smiling as he sucked in a breath through his teeth.

"You always were a tease," he whispered before kissing me hard once more. 

I smiled, my back hitting the mattress beneath me. I didn't waist any time, I kept my mouth pressed to his. We had lost two years together, this was the biggest step we had taken. We might still have bruises, but our scars were healing. He was it for me, I needed him to know that. He was the only person I wanted in my life.

Bellamy pulled my shirt off, his lips gentle against my chest. I gasped as he pushed my hands up above my head, running his teeth across the sensitive skin. I closed my eyes, biting my lip. He always knew what I wanted. 

"Bellamy," I watched his smile appear as I moaned his name once more. He brought his face back to mine. 

He licked his lips, staring down at me with that crooked smile, "tell me what you want, Clarke.”

I smiled, my hands reaching for his face, "you. It's always been you.”

He kissed me hard and fast, the slow buildup gone. We were both wanting something we thought we had lost a long time ago. His hands were on my pants, my heart racing in my chest. I knew why I had waited, no one else could make me feel this way. Bellamy was and always would be the only one who had my entire heart.

The world stopped turning, my mind finally shut up, as we laid there together. Maybe I couldn't fight his demons, maybe he needed to find his way back to me on his own. But as we came together, I knew I'd never stop trying to make this man fall back in love with me. He was the only man I wanted, the only person I would ever let myself need.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Bellamy and Clarke's reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got really long, so you guys get two fluffy happy chapters of Bellarke!
> 
> Trust me you'll LOVE the end of the next one, but first this half. I wanted Clarke to talk to someone about her fears, the way she keeps asking Bellamy about his.
> 
> Thanks for the comments and the love! It means a lot to have you reading this!

After we slept together, Bellamy held me tightly against his chest. He laced his fingers through mine as I ran my free hand down his chest. He still felt like the same old boy I had fallen in love with. There were tears in his eyes as he watched me lay there beside him. He kissed my temple, my cheek. He couldn't get enough of me, just like I couldn't stop drinking in every moment I had with him.

“Hey,” I whispered wiping away a tear, “you aren’t supposed to cry afterwards. You’re supposed to kiss me and tell me that was the most amazing moment in your life. Even better than the night our son was created.”

He laughed, his fingers pulling on mine. He kissed the back of my hand, my heart skipping a beat as he looked at me. He sighed, his eyes still full of tears as we laid there together. I had never been as in love with him as I was that moment. I pushed his hair off his forehead, his lips pressing against the inside of my wrist.

"I never thought I'd have this again," his voice was soft, full of pain, "you here in my arms, kissing me. I never thought you'd forgive me.”

I shook my head, "I never hated you Bell. Octavia told me what you were doing. She wanted to add things into her letters about me, but I wouldn't let her. You wanted to go off without me, I respected that.”

He was quiet, his eyes staring at the ceiling, "it was hard without you. Harder than I thought it would be. You make the pain easier to deal with. I just thought you should get the life of a normal college girl. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“You couldn’t have held me back if you tried. Even if I had gone to school, I would’ve waited for you. There’s no one else I wanted, no one else who could make me laugh or cry the way you do. You don’t hold me back, you push me forward the same way I do for you. You have to know that you make me stronger.”

He sighed, his lips pressing against my temple, “if you had been over there with me, I think it would’ve been easier. I wouldn’t be fighting a war inside myself.”

I placed my hand against his cheek, “don’t fight yourself anymore, Bell. Just be here with me and we’ll find a way to end that war together.”

“I wish it were that easy,” his voice was soft, his last word breaking.

I sat up, the end of my hair hitting his chest. I waited until he looked at me, his big brown eyes shimmering with tears, "do you forgive me, Bell? I mean, I want to believe you do, but I need to hear you say it.”

He nodded his head slowly, "I forgave you the moment I stepped back into this house. I mean this is the moment that kept me alive, imagining this here with you. I had to accept Jace as an added bonus to my happiness. You two are my family now. I’ll never let you go again.”

I leaned down, pressing my lips against his, “we’ve always been your family Bell. I was just waiting for you to want us to be there for you too.”

"Will you come to Jasper's funeral with me? I don't think I can do it alone, but I can't miss it. I promised his mom," he sighed.

I nodded, laying back down beside him, "I'll go with you. I just have to see if someone can watch Jace.”

"No bring him. I need you both there.”

"Okay," I agreed, closing my eyes, "then we'll be there for you. We’ll always be here for you.”

 

— — 

 

We had moved on from fighting to flirting. After we slept together, Bellamy and I remembered what it was like to be in love with each other. It was my favorite feeling, falling back in love with the man who had been there the first time. It hadn’t taken us as long to find each other again, I was still surprised that we didn’t end up yelling at each other at the end of the day.

I settled into the chair I had pulled out into the sun. Bellamy had taken Jace out again, giving me some more mommy time. The warm sun felt good on my pale skin, I pulled the hat a little closer to my forehead, closing my eyes and enjoying the quiet. I didn’t have to worry about Bellamy, I didn’t have to over think what we were doing anywhere. We were finally happy, moving towards the place we had once been.

“My brother looks happy,” Octavia startled me. She settled into the seat beside me, her own hat sitting on her head. She had missed a spot of lotion on her nose.

If we were counting it had been two days since we slept together. I blushed as she raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to answer her, “we worked out some of our differences.”

She rolled her eyes, seeing right through my words, “please. I saw him leave the other morning, buttoning up his shirt. I don’t think there was a lot of talking involved.”

My blush got even deeper as she kept staring at me, “we tired? It was a rough day with Jace getting hurt. I didn’t have to do it alone, he helped me out.”

She laughed, “so you repaid him the only way you knew how?”

I stuck my tongue out at her, feeling happier than I had in a long time, “I didn’t plan for it to happen. One thing led to another, we were fighting and then calling a truce and then it just did,” I shrugged, Octavia looking out in front of her.

“It took you two long enough,” she muttered, pulling out a magazine. I hit her shoulder hard, making her laugh even harder as she looked up at me, “but in all seriousness, I haven’t seen him this happy since he got home.”

“I always imagined this would be our reunion. I just didn’t realize it would take a week for it to finally happen. I missed him, I want Jace to have both his parents together and happy,” I smiled thinking about that future I had pushed out of my head once before. 

She settled into her chair, leaning back beside mine. I let the silence surround us. Octavia read her magazine, her pages flipping faster than the book I had brought out with mine. I squinted at the sun, I wanted to know if she knew what had happened. I mean, I wanted Bellamy to tell me his story, but I also wanted to know if he had told someone else. I respected his space, but I still wanted to help him.

I watched her get to the last page of the thin magazine, then I sighed, “he asked me to go to Jasper’s funeral with him.”

Octavia’s eyes got huge as she threw it down, “I told him I’d go if he wanted someone to go with him. He told me it was something he needed to do alone.”

I turned so my body was facing her, my legs swinging off the chair and dangling off the side, my feet hitting the grass, “has he told you what happened? He won’t tell me, he shuts down every time I ask. He woke up from night terrors the other morning. But every time I bring it up we end up fighting.”

She laughed, which surprised me, “I’m sure that’s not all you two fight about. But no he won’t tell me either. He’s hurting, I can tell.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, “yeah. I know. But he refuses to ask anyone for help.”

“Jace seems to help. He’s already wrapped around that little finger of his.”

I nodded, smiling despite the question at hand, “yeah he is isn’t he? I’m glad, Jace needs a man in his life.”

“Jace needs a father,” she wasn’t being mean, she was right. We all knew Jace needed a male role model, he had been raised by the three of us. We weren’t exactly man making material. Then again, he had turned out pretty good, “have you told him yet?”

I shook my head, “no. I’m afraid once I tell Jace he gets even more attached. What if Bell takes off again? What if he has another dream, or he can’t forgive me? I know he says he does, but there’s always that fear he might not get over it. I’m okay getting my hopes up, but I won’t let my son get his up if he doesn’t have to.”

Octavia sighed, sitting up taller to match me, “always the mama bear, aren’t you?” she smiled, “Bellamy isn’t going anywhere. Not now, he just got you back. He still wants you, he still wants the future you do. I know he does, I can see it whenever he looks at you.”

I looked down at my hands, thinking about how much had changed between us. I knew she was right, he told me he loved me this morning. Still apart of me wondered if he was just saying that from the chemicals released once we were together. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, realizing I hadn’t really apologized for the way I acted when she brought him home, “I shouldn’t have been so mean last week. It wasn’t your fault he came home. It was just hard to see him.”

She picked up my hand and nodded her head. She gave me that crooked smile that used to break my heart, because it mirrored her brother’s, “I know. I would never pick a side. I love you and my brother the same. You’re the sister I always wanted. I could see your pain, I understand. If I were in your shoes, I would’ve been a lot harder than you were.”

I hugged her tightly, hoping she was right. I wanted this future more than ever. These two people were the most important, after my son. I loved them, they were my family. I was just scared to ask Bellamy what he wanted. I was afraid to hear him say he changed his mind already.

Then again we couldn’t move forward until he had dealt with his past.

“Jace will figure it out soon. He might’ve already. He’s too smart to be related to my brother,” Octavia made me laugh, forcing the tears out of my throat.

“I know,” I wiped at the corner of my eye, “I think he really wants Bell to stay. Again that’s why I’m so scared to tell him.”

She cleared her throat, closing her eyes against the sun, “so are you going to the funeral? I mean, neither of us really knew Jasper.”

She was right, the little bit I could remember of the boy was just him following Bellamy around. Still I nodded, “I’m going for Bellamy. He needs to know he has people here to support him. He’s still struggling to feel like he belongs back here. He needs to remember this is his home.”

She shook her head, turning it towards me again, “he couldn’t have found someone better than you no matter how hard he tried.”

I laughed, pushing her shoulder as I changed the subject, “what about you and Lincoln? How’s that going?”

This time she blushed, “good. He wants to go with me to school. I think he’s scared I’ll get wild. Because he has to know there’s no one else I want, no one else I’d even look at.”

“He knows that. But he also knows you. You go into every situation with all your heart, never thinking about the consequences. He wants to make sure you’re safe, he wants to be the one to keep you safe.”

That was something I always envied about Octavia. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She knew what she wanted and went after it. I was the opposite, I always over thought every situation. I was too logical for my own good. That’s why we worked so well together, she told me to turn off the brain and use my heart.

She smiled, I could see how much she loved him in that simple expression, “I’ll take it. I didn’t want to do the long distance thing anyways. I want him to come with me, I just haven’t told my brother yet.”

I smiled back at her, “well maybe I can help with that.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy move forward.
> 
> Cutest Bellarke moment so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is the ending of the last one. Like I said it got a little long.
> 
> Trust me you'll learn all Bellamy's pain in the next chapter. It's the funeral. I'm trying to get through it, it's a hard one to write. I have a lot of ends to tie up with it. So it might be a few days before I get it just right. Don't worry It will be posted as soon as possible!
> 
> Until then enjoy this happy moment they have together.

Octavia and I finished our heart to heart right when Bellamy brought Jace back home. They were both smiling, their eyes sparkling as they walked into the house hand in hand. I couldn’t help but laugh as my baby ran to me, wrapping me up in a hug before Bellamy even realized where he went. I kissed his cheek, rubbing his nose like I always did. If there was one thing we had gotten right in this messed up world, it was this beautiful boy in my arms.

“So who’s hungry? This little guy kept complaining the entire way home. I thought I’d offer to cook tonight,” he was smiling as he looked at me, Octavia rolling her eyes at the exchange happening between us.

I stood up, pulling Jace up onto my hip, “what do you think Jace? Should Bellme make us dinner?”

“Yeah!” he wiggled in my arms and kicked his legs, happier than ever he was finally staying for dinner. I laughed, shaking my head as I followed them both back into the house. It was cool inside, the end of summer heat was brutal. I watched as Bellamy pulled Jace up onto a stool and had him help with the preparation of dinner.

This was our first normal moment since he had gotten home. I stood there making the decision for both of us. I wanted Jace to know, I wanted him to look at Bellamy and realize he was his father. I wanted him to remember every moment of his life with this man. I mean, he wouldn’t remember anything before this would he? I didn’t remember anything from that age.

Octavia joined us in the kitchen, bothering her brother by eating his unprepared meal. I laughed as he slapped her hand, Jace yelling at her to stop. They all shared the same features, Jace even looked a little more like his aunt than he did me. The dark features, the dark hair, it was all more dominate than my delicate features. I shook my head, wondering how I had gotten so lucky to find a family as beautiful as this one.

“So what are you making?” I asked as I started to set the table. I put out four plates, my mom was still at the hospital, she had taken a few extra shifts to help out. End of the summer was always the worst, she complained about that a lot. I missed her on nights like this, I wanted her to see how happy we finally were.

I wanted her to know that the last two years weren’t for nothing. We were finally moving in a better direction. I had finally let go of the anger I held towards Bellamy, because I knew he didn’t hold me back. He had made me stronger and given me Jace.

Bellamy looked back at me, that cocky grin on his face, “your favorite.”

“Ziti?”

He laughed, shaking his head as Jace tapped his arm, “okay your second favorite.”

“Spaghetti,” my stomach growled just thinking about it. I hadn’t had Bell’s spaghetti in a long time. I watched him cut up the vegetables, getting ready to make his own sauce. He let Jace play with a carrot, my son sticking it right in his mouth. I shook my head, he wasn’t going to be a chef anytime soon.

I put out the forks and the spoons, then the glasses. Octavia sat down in the living room, watching as I watched the two men make us food. This was different, a change we hadn’t seen in a long time. We had spent the last two years making the meals, soothing Jace before we got to eat. It was like we were finally getting our payback for the last year. I looked at her, smiling as she winked back at me.

Bellamy stood over the stove, watching the noodles in the water. He told Jace to get down and wash his hands, he didn’t want him near the hot stove. I walked over, wrapping my arms around his waist. I pressed my lips against his neck, feeling his shiver beneath my touch. My heart was pounding.

He laughed, his hand coming to rest against the one I had across his stomach, “what was that for?”

We still hadn’t told each other how we felt, we were dancing around the words. Maybe we were afraid we would regret them in the morning. Or we thought we needed more time to figure out what we felt. But I knew standing there in that kitchen, I wanted him to know. I took in a deep breath, my lips close to his ear.

“I love you Bellamy Blake.”

He stopped short of laughing, his eyes wide as he turned in my arms. He looked down at me, his hands grabbing my waist. He held me tightly, “really? You still do?”

I laughed, nodding my head, “always have, always will.”

“Good,” he whispered, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine quickly before Jace or Octavia walked back into the room, “because I love you too Clarke Griffin. Always have, always will.”

 

 

After dinner Bellamy stayed to help clean up. Octavia smiled as she watched us wash and dry the dishes together, Jace running around in the living room with her. I hit Bellamy's hips with mine, then the room got quiet. Octavia was gone, Jace was too.

"He seems like he had a good time with you," Bellamy handed me the last plate, "we should tell him. Even if we haven't figured us out, I want him to know you're his father.”

Bellamy smiled, a tear in the corner of his eye, "if that's what you want. I mean, I've wanted to tell him since I found out. But I respect you and your choice to wait.”

I nodded, "I want him to know you.”

Bellamy's eyes flashed behind me, I smelled the smoke before I heard the singing, " _happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…_ "

I turned to see Octavia setting the vanilla cake on the counter, Jace on her hip singing along. He yelled mama when the other two said Clarke, and I couldn't stop smiling, "happy birfday mama."

He kissed my cheek, "ready? Make a wish!”

We blew out the candles together, as I held his tiny hand in mine. Bellamy's hands came to rest on my hips as I stood up, my cheeks turning red as Octavia raised an eyebrow. I smiled, his fingers squeezing gently.

I leaned backwards in his arm, his lips pressed against my cheek, "you didn't think I would forget did you?”

I turned so I was facing him, Jace and Octavia cutting pieces for everyone, "I had my doubts," I picked up his hand, "thank you.”

He leaned down and kissed me, his lips warm and gentle against mine. I laced our fingers together, pressing my chest against his. I smiled as he pulled away, "happy birthday beautiful.”

He pushed my hair behind my ear, "okay you two, eat your cake or get a room. There's a child here.”

I laughed as Jace took a bite of cake, the icing smearing on his face. Bellamy had even remembered my favorite, vanilla cake with chocolate icing. I shook my head, his arms still around my waist as we stood there watching our child giggle in his aunts arms. This had to be the best birthday I had had in a long time.

We finished our cake and Octavia offered to give Jace his bath. I saw the look they exchanged, they had this planned out. I told her it was fine, but to bring him down before he went to bed. I wanted to tell him about Bellamy now. Bellamy cleaned up the cake plates, then took my hand and led me out onto the porch.

Before he left for boot camp we lived on this porch. It was my favorite place, the swing always calming. I sat down as he stood with his hands in his pockets, "I uh. I didn't plan on this, but I got this for you one of my first nights over seas. I saw it and I just knew you would love it. It had your name written all over it. It stayed in my pocket, reminding me that you were here safe and sound.”

He pulled a small box, badly wrapped in birthday paper, out of his pocket. I smiled, watching him blush as I took it from him. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I ripped the paper off. I gasped when I lifted the box of the black box underneath.

Inside there was a silver heart shaped locket. It looked old, but not worn down old. The pattern on the front was vines swirling around the edges, coming to make a smaller heart in the middle. I wiped away a tear, looking back up at him.

"Bell, it's beautiful," my voice was caught in my throat. 

He kept watching me, "open it.”

I pushed my nail between the sides, watching it open with ease. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at the picture on either side. On the left was my favorite picture of my dad and I when I was a baby. He held me in his arms, I looked at the camera, he was staring at me. On the right side was a picture of Jace and Bellamy, the exact same pose. Bellamy looked at Jace, my baby smiling for the camera. It was such a thoughtful gift, I couldn't stop staring.

I stood up, wrapping my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. I kissed his cheek, my lips pressed against his shoulder. I closed my eyes, feeling the moment change between us. 

"I knew you would love it," he whispered as I pulled away, "Octavia gave me the picture idea.”

I nodded, looking back down at it, "it's perfect, I love it. Thank you, you didn't have to get me anything.”

"It's your birthday, I missed the last two. I had to get you something," he smiled shyly and then put his hand on my waist. He pulled me into his chest, his lips pressing against mine. This kiss was slow, soft and full of things we had yet to tell each other. My heart skipped a beat before he pulled away.

"Every damn time," Octavia's voice made us jump apart. Bellamy was smiling, I was blushing, "it's a wonder this child doesn't have any siblings by now and you've only been home a week now.”

Bellamy shook his head at his sister, "did you need something, O? Or did you just intentionally wait until I was happy to walk in and ruin the moment?”

She rolled her eyes, "Jace was done early. He kept asking me where Bellme was.”

I laughed as he toddled over and hugged Bellamy. I took in the moment, Octavia leaving us alone to have our family moment. I wanted to crawl up on Bellamy’s lap myself, but instead I sat across from them. My heart was racing in my chest as I picked up Jace’s little hand. Bellamy pulled him up onto his lap, kissing his cheek.

"Jace, Bellme is important to you right?" He nodded his wet curls, water hitting my cheek, "well he's important to me too. Do you know why?”

Jace looked at me and then to Bellamy, his brown eyes sparkling. My heart pounded waiting for him to look at me and ask why. I could see the gears turning, Jace was thinking this through. He giggled as Bellamy tickled his sides, perfectly content in his father's arms. 

After a moment of silence Jace looked back at me. His tiny finger wrapped around mine. He gave me that grin he used when he didn't want to nap and then nodded. He reached out and touched Bellamy’s cheek, "Bellme daddy.”

The biggest smile appeared on Bellamy’s face as his eyes found mine. I could see the pain leave his brown eyes, happiness taking it’s place. Our son was between us, his little hand holding onto his father’s cheek. I nodded, feeling tears in my throat as I took in a breath, “yeah, he’s your dad. And he loves you just as much as I do.”

Jace giggled, turning and hugging Bellamy’s neck, “daddy!”

I closed my eyes, taking in this moment we were having. We might not have it all together, but together in this room with Jace, we had it all. He knew how important Bellamy was, he knew he was his father. That child was smarter than I ever could’ve imagined, his little ears picking up everything. I opened my eyes, watching the two of them together. I never felt luckier than I did in that moment with my two favorite men together.

For the first time in two years our family was whole.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke helps Bellamy through Jasper's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys here are the answers you've been waiting for! This was a hard one to write, sorry it took so long to put up.
> 
> But ti's very appropriate to put this up on Memorial Day. Always remember those who give their lives for our freedom.
> 
> Also I have this idea for a Raven fan fic, so sit tight hopefully you'll like that one. I have two more chapters planned out for this one. Trust me you'll love the epilogue!

It rained on the morning of Aurora's funeral. The sky was black, even at ten in the morning big gray cloud filled the sky. It was a miserable day. I always thought  that was Aurora telling her children to miss her for those twenty four hours. Then they were to move on with their lives. They weren't to keep mourning her after. They were to find their purpose and live the life they always wanted.

Bellamy was a mess after his mom died. Part of the problem was he couldn't save her. He had tried so hard to keep her here with them, he felt like he had failed once she died. He loved too hard, that's what she told me the day I met her. That boy loves so hard it breaks him inside when he loses someone. I witnessed his loss firsthand, his mother had been right.

That was why I didn't hesitate to agree to go with him to Jaspers funeral. I knew he would fall apart, I knew he needed someone to be there with him. He needed a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on. I would be that for him, I would help him through his loss. Maybe I could find a way to show him he didn't have to hide his pain. I would be there no matter what.

Jasper enlisted the same day as Bellamy, I saw them get on the bus together. That kid looked up to Bellamy, he followed him around all throughout school. Bellamy had been flattered at first, until Jasper started to have eyes for his little sister. Then he got protective and told him he needed to find someone else.

I knew very little about Jasper, but he had been Bellamy’s friend. They were pretty close, Bellamy sometimes complaining he was a pain in the ass. I knew that was really Bell’s way of saying he liked him. Everyone was a pain in the ass when they were around Bellamy.

It was raining the morning of Jasper's funeral too.

I woke up, Bellamy’s side of the bed empty. I reached out, the sheets were cold. I didn’t waste any time, I got up and went to find him. I was hoping he was still in the house. I found him in Jace’s room, watching his son sleep. I stood in the doorway, hearing his tears before I saw them. He was falling apart, he was still struggling and I had no idea how to help him heal his broken heart.

“Bell,” I walked in and wrapped my arms around his neck from behind. I kissed his cheek, feeling his hands press into mine, “you can do this. You have to say goodbye.”

He sighed, “I know,” his voice was laced with sleep and tears. He looked at Jace, “I never thought I’d come home. Clarke there were so many ways to die over there, I thought I would never see you again. When Jasper,” he stopped, looking at me, “he saved me. Then I come home to find a son. It’s like he knew I needed to find you again.”

I kissed his cheek, squeezing his fingers gently. I wiped away his tears, “I love you, Bellamy Blake. So does that little boy. We just want you to find your way back to us.”

He pulled me around to the front of the chair and then sat me on his lap, “I love you too Clarke. I’m trying,” he ran his hand down my cheek, “I can’t promise you it’ll happen over night, but it will happen. I'm really trying.”

I smiled at him, kissing him softly. I took in a deep breath, running my hands through his hair. I closed my eyes, feeling the boy I had fallen in love with come back to me in that kiss. My heart was beating fast, his hands were on my hips. I heard a moan get caught in his throat. 

I laughed, “we should get ready. Let Jace sleep.”

I started to stand up, but he stopped me, “Clarke,” his voice was soft, his eyes were on our sleeping child, “no matter what happens, I still want you to be my future. You and Jace.”

I kissed his lips, his nose, then his cheek almost catching his eye, “you are my future, Bellamy. No matter what has happened, or what will happen. I want to be holding your hand for years to come.”

He smiled, squeezing my hip before letting me go. I sighed, leaving him sitting there still watching Jace sleep. I went back to my room looking for the only black dress I owned. I hated black dresses, they reminded me of my father’s funeral. They reminded me of sadness. I wiped away a tear that caught in the corner of my eye before Bellamy caught me.

I got ready quickly, it was a talent many mother’s acquired the first year of their child’s life. I pulled the dress on over my head, then fixed my hair as best as it would do without a shower. Once I was put together, I ran my hands down my dress and pulled out Jace’s clothes. He had a black shirt and black pants. I wasn’t even sure I could get him in the pants, he hated pants. I sighed, looking at the little outfit and hating that I had to wake him up.

“You look beautiful,” I jumped when I heard Bellamy’s deep voice. He was leaning against the door, staring at me. I looked at him and he was dressed in his black shirt and pants. He looked better than he did a few minutes ago, more pulled together.

I walked towards him, “you clean up pretty well too. Even with your short curls.”

He laughed, “I hate my hair this short.”

“Me too,” I kissed his cheek and then walked around him and out the door.

 

The rain turned to a mist as the funeral procession started. Bellamy insisted we bring an umbrella, he was holding it as we walked up the sidewalk to the cemetery. I took in a deep breath, lacing my fingers through his. He was holding Jace in his arms, I was pretty sure he was using him as a distraction, he didn’t want anyone to ask him how he was holding up. He was deflecting their questions with our son.

The car ride over had been quiet. Jace sat in the back staring out the window, Bellamy had grabbed my hand and held it in his. He kissed the back of it once we parked, and I knew he was telling me that this was it. After this moment he could find his way back to me. I knew that was what it would take. He needed to say goodbye and let go of the past. I knew it was hard, he had spent two years in the service.

There were a lot of people here to say goodbye to Jasper. He was well liked here. Bellamy steered us towards one of the benches in the middle, sitting near the aisle. I took in a deep breath, sitting on the inside, letting Jace sit between us. Bellamy pulled me into his side, Jace climbing onto his lap.

I felt his lips press against my temple, “you can do this,” I whispered, squeezing his hand.

He nodded his head, I heard him sigh, “only because you’re here with me.”

I couldn’t help but smile as more people filed into the tent they had set up because of the rain. I sat up, crossing my legs as everyone quieted down. I watched as Jasper’s mother stood up. She walked towards the podium, her eyes red and puffy from crying. My heart hurt for her, I looked at Jace. I knew I wouldn’t be able to be here if I had lost my child. That was a burden no of us should ever have to bare.

“Thank you all for coming,” she nodded her head, her dark hair a mess on top of her head, “Jasper loved this town. He loved you all. I am respecting his wishes, he didn't want a big funeral. Jasper was my pride and joy, the day he was born I was so happy. He was always so smart, so funny. I never thought he’d grow up and want to enlist. But he did and I supported him. I was a proud marine mother. He was protecting our country, he was doing what he always wanted to do. There’s nothing more fulfilling than seeing your child take on their dreams.”

She stopped, letting out a sob. I was surprised at how well she kept herself together. It was amazing, “I love you Jasp, you’ll always be my baby. I’m sorry,” her voice broke and then she wiped her cheeks, “that’s all I can share. So now Bellamy Blake would like to say a few words about his friend.”

Bellamy pulled his hand out of mine as I looked at him surprised. He nodded, handing Jace off to me with a kiss to the cheek. I was still surprised I didn’t have time to kiss him back. My heart was racing, I was nervous for him. Maybe this is why he didn’t want Octavia to come. He had to have known she would call him up there, unless she had asked him a few days ago. I sighed, wondering what was about to happen.  

He walked slowly to the podium, I noticed he was limping. Had he been limping since he got home? If he had, I hadn’t noticed. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair, taking in a deep breath. He coughed, clearing his throat and then looked out at the audience in front of him. He had always hated giving speeches. I gave him a small smile, Jace holding onto my hair.

"I didn't want to speak, but uh, I know Jasper wanted me here. He made me promise that if he didn't make it back I would tell you all everything he never got to say," his eyes were filled with tears, "he loved you, Maya. You were what kept him holding on. He was so much more of a man because you were in his life.”

He looked down at the podium and shook his head. I held Jace tighter in my arms, "I should be the one in that box. Jasper, he was the real hero. I wanted to bring him home. I wanted him to come home more than I did. He had so much here.”

Bellamy stopped and then his eyes found mine. He looked at Jace, "I'll never understand why I survived and he didn't. We were clearing a building, trying to get all the civilians out. We didn't realize the enemy had disguised themselves as innocents until it was too late. Jasper," his voice broke, "they grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back into the building. I didn't even think, I ran in after him.”

A tear fell down my cheek as I realized he was finally telling me what happened, "I found him, he had been shot already. He was bleeding, but still alive. He uh, he could walk. I was supporting his weight. We were just at the door when his foot hit the bomb. I didn't even get a chance to save him, he pushed me out of the building before it exploded.”

My eyes were wide as he fell apart. I wanted to go up there and hug him, I wanted him to know I was there for him. After a moment he pulled himself together, "but we're here to celebrate the life of Jasper Jordan. He saved mine for a reason I'll never understand. He wanted me to come home, he told me I was the better man. They discharged me, saying I was a hero for going back in and pulling him out.”

He let the pause sit as people sat up straighter. I saw Jasper’s mom wipe tears off her cheeks as Bellamy pulled himself together. He was staring at me as he finished his speech.

“But that's not true, I am not the hero. I ran back into the building for my friend, like any normal human being would do. I did what Jasper would've done for me if the roles were reversed. I looked out for him, the same way he pushed me out of the building before it blew up. Jasper died a hero and he'll always be a hero to me.”

Bellamy's voice broke, his posture sagged. He was trying so hard to keep it together, but the weight of finally being honest was there on his shoulders. 

A few people clapped, then I found myself standing up. I sat Jace on the bench and I met Bellamy in the aisle. I wrapped my arms around his tightly, his tears soaking my shoulder. I felt him fall apart all over again.

"Jasper was a good man," I whispered as someone else went to speak, "he looked up to you. You were his hero too.”

He squeezed my waist, holding me as tightly as he could. Bellamy never let people see him this vulnerable, this weak. But he was struggling to accept what had happened to his friend. He was trying as hard as he could to understand why he made it home and Jasper didn’t.

"He told me you needed me," his eyes went towards Jace, "I think he knew I had a son.”

I smiled, wiping a tear off his cheek, "I think he knew how hard it was for me to let you go.”

Bellamy wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. I knew he was trying to keep himself together by holding me. We sat back down, Jace crawling up on his father’s lap. I smiled as he kissed his cheek, tears clouding Bellamy’s eyes for more than one reason now. He held onto our son, knowing that his life had been spared for more than one reason now. I squeezed his hand, leaning into his side as we sat there listening to more wonderful stories about Jasper Jordan, a true american hero.

I had been pushing Bellamy to tell me what had happened for days now. Now that I finally knew, I realized just how hard it had been for him to tell everyone, including me. I took in a deep breath, kissing the back of his hand. Maybe now that he had found his way through the darkness that was following him, we could find the rest of the way out together. 

Bellamy kissed my temple, “move in with me.”

I raised an eyebrow as Jace laid his head against his shoulder, trying not to fall asleep at the service started to wind down, “what?”

His smile was small, but it was there, “you, me, and Jace we’re a family. Move in with me, let me take care of you.”

I smiled, kissing his cheek as Jace closed his eyes. There was no question, I knew it would happen. I just didn’t realize we would finally become a family so fast. I leaned forward, nodding my head as I laid it against his other shoulder, “do you even have to ask?”

He laughed, his arm around my shoulders as he held both of us in his arms, “this time, I’m never letting you go.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jasper's funeral Clarke and Bellamy move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Chapter! I have an epilogue that I am editing and will post as soon as it's done.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! I'm also in the process of starting another fan fiction (I can't stop!) so hopefully I get that together and ready to go soon.

I stood in my bedroom, my hands on my hips. There was a lump in my throat, as I realized today would be my last day in this house. There were boxes all around my feet and I realized this was actually happening. I felt emotional, packing up the room I had grown up in, the room I brought my baby home to. I had never moved away, even though I wanted to. This was the first step towards a new life, my life with Bellamy. 

I smiled as his arms wrapped around me from behind, "there's my fiancé," he whispered into my ear, his lips pressed against my cheek. 

I turned around and placed my left hand against his face, the diamond catching the light of the sun. I smiled, "I thought you had work to do. Your excuse for getting out of helping me pack.”

He smiled, he was doing better now that Jasper’s funeral was over. He was happier, he smiled more. Ever since he asked me to marry him it was like the old Bellamy was back in my life. It only took him a week after the funeral to get down on one knee and declare his love. He said we couldn’t move into together if we weren’t a real family. I think he realized how precious our time was. After losing his best friend he wanted to keep his family together. So he got down on one knee in the middle of the field we used to run away to when we were dating. He didn't have a long speech planned out, he just told me he wanted me to be his wife.

I of course didn’t have any other answer than yes planned.

Bellamy’s eyes sparkled in the light of my bedroom. There were things everywhere, I never realized how much stuff I had until this moment. He smiled down at me, "I had to make sure you didn't change your mind.”

I laughed, leaning in and kissing him. I would never change my mind, not in a million years. I had waited two whole years for him to find his way back to me. Even with his broken pieces he was still the man I had fallen in love with. He was still the man I wanted to spend my entire life beside. I pulled away, my hand falling off his cheek, his hand finding mine.

"I'd never change my mind," I looked into his brown eyes, feeling at home in his arms, "I can't believe you got us a house already.”

Bellamy pulled back, his hand still holding mine as he smiled. Before he could answer little feet came running into the room. Jace opened the door and looked at us, “dad!"

He jumped into Bellamy's arms making me smile even more. That boy had too much energy for an almost two year old. I was glad they got along as wonderfully as they did. Jace had been needing his father in his life, I never realized that until he had found his way into Bellamy's arms. Bellamy's eyes found mine, "I might have convinced the people renting my house to move out a little early.”

Jace reached for me, pulling me into their embrace. He kissed my cheek, “mama."

"Bubs," I laughed as Bellamy hugged me too. Our little family happier than we had ever been. 

The door opened again, “there you are monster,” Octavia laughed as she looked at the three of us, “you’re supposed to be hanging out with me today.”

He giggled, “Tavia!”

“He thinks it’s really funny to run away from me and make me chase him,” she laughed as he reached for her and I watched her brother give her our son. He held me tighter against his side, kissing my cheek as we took in this moment together.

Octavia looked at me and then her brother, “you two are so cute it’s making me sick.”

I laughed, burying my face in his chest. He squeezed my arm, I felt his lips against my forehead. Never in a million years did I think I would have this moment. Not after I let him walk away without telling him about his son. I thought it would take years for him to finally forgive me, something I completely understood. Now standing here together, I realized how grateful I was that he had finally forgiven me.

“It shouldn’t take us long,” Bellamy’s deep voice rumbled through his chest as he kept his arm around me, “I mean if he gets fussy bring him by the house.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, “I’ve been watching him for longer than you’ve known he existed,” I went stiff at her words, Bellamy didn’t react, “I think I know how to handle my nephew. After all I am his favorite.”

I laughed as Bellamy clicked his tongue. She turned and walked out of the room, leaving us there by ourselves. I looked up at him, watching his jaw relax as he looked back down at me. My fingers grazed his cheek, “I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe you’re here, with me and you aren’t upset anymore.”

Thankfully Octavia had offered to watch our little monster so we could get the packing done. He smiled, his eyes light as it spread across his face. I was glad he seemed to find his way out of the darkness. We were supposed to be packing, although it seemed like Bellamy had other plans as he wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezing my thighs.

He pressed his lips against mine, “I love you,” he whispered, staring into my eyes and keeping his voice level, “I couldn’t have gotten through this on my own. You and Jace, you made me hold on a little tighter to the pieces of the old Bellamy I still had.”

I kissed him again, my arms wrapping around his neck. He pushed me backwards, and suddenly I felt my back hit the wall. Before he could pick me up, I pulled back and tried to catch my breath.

"Hey, we need to focus," I giggled as he kept me pressed against his chest, "we have to get a move on. I want to spend the night in our new home. You and me and the baby.”

He gave me a beautiful smile, "don't worry we'll be all packed I promise.”

I pushed his arms away from me, “well we should get started then. Let’s go, muscles. Get to packing.”

He groaned, “you’re a total buzzkill.”

I giggled again, throwing my pillow at him, “we’ll have all the time in the world for that once we’re packed, Bellamy. The faster you move the faster it’ll get done.”

He rolled his eyes and started to help me, I couldn’t stop smiling as he put Jace’s tiny clothes into the box, folding them neatly. I watched him, folding my own clothing, as he concentrated. There was nothing as attractive as the man you loved caring for the child you created. Nothing as sweet as watching him fold his clothing.

“Why are you smiling like that?” his voice startled me, I didn’t realize he was watching me until that moment. 

I laughed, “when you were gone I imagined all the things that would happened when you came back. I imagined you hating me, yelling at me. I thought of the good things, maybe you’d still love me, you’d fall in love with Jace,” I looked at him, his hands still, “I never imagined you folding our sons clothing, getting ready to move us into your home. It just, never seemed like something that would happen.”

Bellamy bit his lip, “it hurt, that first day when you told me about Jace. It really hurt to know that you wanted to keep him a secret from me. But it was worse to know that you had to go through this alone, because you put me before yourself and our child. It wasn’t nearly as painful as staying away from you.”

I smiled at him, looking back down at my clothing and shaking my head. Somehow I had gotten lucky not once in this lifetime, but twice. I shook my head, wondering how in the world I had been given someone like Bellamy Blake to share my life with. He was my partner, the love of my life. We were getting ready to start our lives together, somehow it all seemed surreal. 

This was really a dream I never thought would happen. One I certainly never wanted to wake up from.

—-

Bellamy took my hand as we got out of the car and walked up towards the house. I smiled, it was as beautiful as I remembered it to be. Somehow Bellamy had gotten the home he grew up in back. It was a a memory I held onto while he was gone, the beautiful home is mom had made from them. The beautiful legacy she had left behind. I knew he always wanted to live here, he told me when we were dating how much he wanted to raise his family in this same house. Even Octavia loved this place.

It was small and spacious, only two floors. There were four bedrooms. It was brick, the front door sat under the A frame of the roof. It was rustic, the perfect house for our little family. It wasn’t just a house, it was a home. All our dates had taken place at this house, we had started and ended in this house. I smiled as I looked at the building, feeling like I was in that dream sequence once again.

As we reached the door Bellamy surprised me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms. He kicked my legs out from under me and grabbing under my thighs and cradled me against his chest. I let out a noise that was somewhere between a squeal and laughter, his big arms keeping me steady, “what are you doing?”

"It's tradition," he said as I looked up at him.

"When we're married," I whispered as he opened the door.

He laughed, "we're close enough," he pressed his lips to mine as he stepped over the threshold. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling my heart race in my chest. There was no one else I would ever want to spend my life with. 

Bellamy set me down once we we're through the door, "welcome home, soon to be Mrs. Blake.”

The name sent shivers down my spine. I looked at him, feeling the world finally start to turn in the right direction. It had been a long two years, time I thought would never seem to speed up. Now that we were here, engaged and happier than either had ever been, even in high school. I still couldn’t believe it was happening.

I smiled even bigger as I looked at the house I had been too so many times. I never realized it would become mine. I looked at Bellamy, hugging him. There was so much he had done I never thanked him for. He has forgiven me, he had fallen back in love with me.

He was truly amazing.

We looked around at hour new home, too excited to really take it in. I sat down on the couch. Octavia was keeping Jace for another few hours, so we didn't have to hurry. I looked at my soon to be husband, still marveling at how the life I always wanted was finally coming true. We never talked about what we wanted from that life, we just knew we wanted to be together.

After having Jace I realized I didn’t want to have a small family. I didn’t want my son to be an only child.

I turned to face him, picking up his hand, “so now that we’re officially getting married and everything we should probably talk about our future. Do you want more kids? I mean, we never really talked about a family, even before Jace surprised me.”

Bellamy smiled, "I always thought I'd have more than one child. I mean you know how close Octavia and I are, I want my son to have a sibling. Maybe a little sister for Jace, so she can be the biggest pain in the ass he’ll ever have to deal with,” he laughed as I imagined a little girl with his smile, “but only with you.”

I blushed as he sat down beside me, “yeah, I hated being an only child. I want my son to have someone to watch out for, the way you took care of Octavia. I want him to love someone as much as you love your sister.”

Bellamy pulled me into his arms, “well there’s always time for more little Blake’s to be running around princess. We’ve got the rest of our lives to be together. I’m not going anywhere, not ever again.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, feeling like the girl I was before the last two years had happened. Here with Bellamy I knew I had gone through hell to get to the other side. The last two years were hard, but I was a hell of a lot stronger than I had ever been before. Now that Bellamy was back, I never wanted him to leave. But I knew that we were equals. We supported each other just as much as we loved each other.

I ran my fingers through his hair, taking in a deep breath. I smirked at him, giggling as I pulled his earlobe, “so maybe we should get to working on that little sister, then.”

I sat up and crawled onto his lap, giggling as his hands hit the back of my thighs. I positioned on leg on either side of his lap, pressing my chest against his. I heard him gasp as I lowered myself down and kissed him hard. My hands cradled his face, his smile never leaving as he held me tighter.

"I love you," I said against his mouth.

He kissed me hard back, his hands keeping me pinned against him, "I've never loved anyone the way I love you.”

He surprised me, picking me up in one easy movement and carrying me through the kitchen towards the stairs. I broke the kiss, Bellamy's eyes sparkling as he looked at me, "let's get started on that family."


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years after they've found each other again. Fluffy and bellarke all wrapped into one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end has come! it took a little longer for this story than my last one. Hopefully you all like it
> 
> I'm thinking of doing another one. Maybe it'll pan out, maybe it would. But if you like my writing you can always head over to the wattpad app where I write my very OWN stories. maybe you'll enjoy one of them. 
> 
> thanks for reading and sticking by this story! It was really fun to write.

**Three years later**

 

I never did go back to school for medicine. I didn't want to do medicine anymore. I focused on my family, on my art. I found myself drawing a lot more during my second pregnancy. It was a nice change to have Bellamy there beside me for every kick, every craving, every pain. 

He was there this time when our daughter was born. Little Charlie Reese Blake went right into her daddy's strong arms. She was a bundle of joy and terror all in one. She cried more than Jace did, she wanted her dad to hold her every single minute. Bellamy was wrapped around her tiny little finger from the very beginning. 

Our lives balanced out after she was born. Again she looked more like her father than me. She had a head full of dark curls that hung in her face, her big blue eyes the only reminder that she was mine. Still I loved them both more than words could ever tell. Jace loved being a big brother, something I never thought of before Bellamy came home.

My family was beautiful and they were mine. Having Bellamy beside me through the first year of Charlie's life made me realize how much I needed him raising Jace. Still I wouldn't change a thing that had led us to this place in our lives. We were happy, we were healthy. Our children had his smile and my eyes. We were luckier than we deserved to be.

Because we both knew how it could've ended. Some soldiers never made it home.

Bellamy didn't get his nightmares anymore. Somehow he left his ghosts in the cemetery where they belonged. He slept peacefully, always holding me in his arms. His face even relaxed, his forehead wrinkle free. It was nice to know somehow he had made it through that darkness. I was worried he'd never find his way. 

We were laying in bed, both exhausted and yet happy to find a minute alone. You didn't get a lot of those with one toddler, they were near non existent with two. I reached out and touched Bell's cheek as he tried to read whatever history book he had this week.

He grumbled, "I'm trying to read.”

I giggled, sitting up higher and kissing his cheek, "but listen," I paused, "it's quiet. We never get mommy daddy time.”

He shut his book, his ears perked up. He turned towards me, his hands against my cheeks as he kissed me. I laid back down against my pillow. My heart racing as he started to move his hands down my shoulders, down my arms. I gasped when he stopped, his lips pulling away.

"What do you say Mrs. Blake, should we try for number three?" His voice was deep and soft in my ear, his breath tickling my skin before he pulled away. He smiled that beautiful crooked smile I loved so damn much. 

My heart raced, "three? Bellamy I just got my figure back. I'm starting to think you like me better fat.”

He laughed, kissing my neck. I loved when he pressed his face against my neck, it always made me shiver, "I love you any size, age, shape. You're my girl. The way you look will never matter.”

I sighed happily against his forehead, "good answer.”

He kissed my jaw, his hands working their way down my stomach, "plus there's nothing sexier than a woman who's carrying your child. I learned that when you carried Charlie.”

I hit his shoulder playfully, blushing as he hovered over me. He kissed me before I could answer him, my heart racing inside my chest. I giggled as he tickled my sides, the foreplay I had missed while he was gone. My favorite part of falling asleep together was his playful side.

Just as his hands moved below my shirt, I heard the tiny footsteps. Our bedroom door opened, I jumped. Bellamy didn't move, "mama. Daddy.”

Her tiny voice sounded full of fear. Bellamy closed his eyes, kissing me once more before falling back down on his side of the bed. Our mommy daddy time cut short. I had been looking forward to it all damn day. But being a parent never meant getting a break and my child needed me.

"Charlie?" I sat up as she ran into the room and crawled up into bed between us, "what's wrong sweetheart?”

She grabbed her dads hand, making my heart stop, "I had a bad dream.”

Bellamy melted as she took my spot and curled up beside him, "it's okay, Charlie. Daddy's here.”

I smiled, watching him brush her hair back and hold her close. There was no scene as beautiful as watching your husband protect and care for your child. My heart grew ten sizes bigger as they laid there together.

"Rain check?" I whispered as Charlie's breathing evened out and Bellamy looked towards me. 

He laughed, "just wait princess. I'll rock your world tomorrow night.”

"I'm counting on it.”

I felt cold without his arms around me, but I knew our daughter needed his warmth more than I did. I fell asleep listening to her snoring, smiling as I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

 

\---

 

This morning I had woken up to Charlie's little giggle and Bellamy's deep laugh. They were whispering, huddled together under our covers. I knew they were plotting something, but I kept my eyes closed. I was facing them, Charlie's little feet pressed against my stomach. I smiled as I felt her tiny hand on my face. Then she jumped on me. 

Needless to say I woke up laughing, even though it was a hard wake up call. 

Jace came bounding into the room when he heard us laughing. All four of us lay there together, smiling at each other. It was amazing how time can change everything about your life. It took two years for my boys to find each other, now here we are, all together and happy. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around how amazing life truly was. Without the sacrifice and the pain, I never would’ve gotten my best friend back. I never would’ve been the mother to Bellamy’s children.

Sometimes there really is a rainbow waiting at the end of the storm.

Octavia was the only one who offered to help me set up the superhero birthday party. Oh yeah my little Charlie was a tomboy, she loved everything her brother loved. It made me smile, I loved how well they got along. So when Jace said his sister wanted a superman birthday party. I didn't even bat an eyelash. Octavia tried to talk her into princesses, but my girl was stubborn.

Bellamy always says they both get that from me. What he doesn't realize is we're both as stubborn as they come.

Bellamy had offered to pick Jace up from preschool. I had been a mess leaving him there that first day. I had been with him for four years, it was hard to cut the invisible chord we had. But he loved school, he came home bright eyed every day with a new lesson for all of us. Bell likes to tell me he got that nerdiness from me. But I've seen how excited he can get about history, I knew it was from both of us.

"Mama!" Charlie ran into the backyard as I turned to hide the cake from her. That was our biggest surprise, the cake with a little mini Charlie as super girl.

Bellamy wasn't far behind, "Charles I thought we said the party started at three? You're early.”

I pulled her onto my hip, Bellamy leaning in for a kiss as he pulled his sunglasses off, "I know we're early but we had a problem on the playground. Charlie got kicked out of daycare.”

She buried her face in my shoulder as I looked her way. I took in a breath, sighing as I looked back at my husband, "what happened? Please tell me you didn't have a meltdown.”

Charlie and daycare wasn't supposed to happen. But I was busy starting my business and I couldn't watch her every second. So Bellamy suggested daycare for a few hours. She got to socialize and I focused on work. It was temporary, and she had loved it the first few weeks.

He laughed, "oh no this was all Charlie.”

His hair had grown back to the length it was before he left five years ago. I couldn't believe it had been five years since he was discharged, but it was. I couldn't believe Jace was almost four, and we were throwing the party for Charlie's first birthday. Time just didn't want to slow down, no matter how hard I begged my babies to stay little.

"Apparently this kid keeps bothering Jace. So Charlie kicked him down, then bit him," Bellamy watched as I tried not to laugh. I bit my lip, looking at Charlie. She looked ashamed and proud all in one. Bellamy reached out and touched her hand, "I didn't have the heart to yell at her. I mean she was defending her brother."

The laugh escaped my throat before I could stop it. I nodded, "no I wouldn't have yelled either. Charlie Reese, violence is not the answer. But I'm very proud of you for sticking up for your brother."

She giggled, "Max mean. Makes Jace cry.”

I kissed her forehead, "well you go cheer your brother up. I have to finish setting up your party you daycare dropout.”

Bellamy laughed as she ran back into the house, he pulled me into his chest. He pressed his lips to mine, this kiss more than a small greeting. Even after all these years we couldn't get enough of each other. The passion, the spark, was still as bright as ever. I knew I had it better than most wives, I wouldn't trade my husband for the world.

I laughed, pulling away as I felt his fingers graze my waist, "she kicked him. Bellamy our little girl, who's no bigger than your leg, kicked down a four year old.”

"What can I say? She takes after her mom, she's a badass," his smile was crooked, but it was genuine. My favorite part of his healing was how happy he had become with our family.

"What did you say to Mr. Kane? I mean surely he talked to you.”

"I told him maybe he should kick the bully out too. He didn't agree with me, so I might have called him a few names. Still, Charlie was defending her brother. But he didn't seem to care.”

I couldn't help but laugh, "no he's all about upholding rules. Oh well we'll figure it out, we always do. Let's just have fun. Charlie only turns one once.”

Bellamy's eyes sparkled as I finished setting up the cake. Octavia was inside helping distribute the gifts, people were already showing up. 

My mom walked in first, hugging me and then Bellamy. She had been to the house a few times, but she always liked to seem amazed at how we managed to live here, "it's adorable, really Clarke. You two, you made a great life together.”

Bellamy laced his fingers through mine, "yeah," I agreed as he pulled me into his side. I wrapped my arms around his waist, "yeah we did.”

"So where's the birthday girl? I need to get to spoiling her.”

Bellamy laughed as Charlie came running out into the yard. She was running from her brother who was chasing her in a mask. She was screaming, running behind her father's leg for protection. He ruffled her hair.

"Charlie your grandmother wants to see you," he pulled her around to his front and she giggled up at my mom. 

The day our little girl was born Abby really changed. She loved Jace, we all did. But there was something so precious and beautiful about the birth of our little girl. She was special in more ways than one. Bellamy held her after the doctors left, my mom and Octavia pounding down the door to see her. My mom fell in love instantly with her dark curls and blue eyes. It was easy to fall in love with that little giggle. I know I had.

Half an hour later, Charlie was bouncing off the walls when I decided it was time to show off her cake. I picked her up, standing her up on the chair at the end of the table. She looked around, everyone was gathered to see her blow out the candles. Jace stood beside her, his four year old self feeling more mature than his sister.

Bellamy started singing, "happy birthday to you.”

Everyone joined in as I captured the moment with a picture. Charlie's face was priceless as she saw the super girl flying on top of her cake, her little face resembling the hero. She clapped her little hands, giggling as everyone sang her happy birthday. I had to wipe a few tears of my eyes as she looked at me. Watching the scene unfold I realized just how lucky we were.

Charlie pulled on her brothers hand as we wanted for her to blow out the candles, "Jacey help!”

He rolled his eyes, hating and loving her affection nickname all in one. I laughed as she took in a deep breath, her cheeks puffing up as she got ready to blow them out. Jace stood beside her, blowing gently, wanting his sister to hit most of the candles. Again I snapped a picture, hoping they would grow up as close as Bellamy and Octavia had been. They were so lucky to have each other. 

They were both created out of love, be it different kinds of love, but love all the same. Young love, old love, rekindled love, the love I always held onto for their father. They were dreams I never realized I had, pieces of a future I never knew to look for until they arrived. They were my world, I would do anything and everything for our children. Just as I knew their father would do the same.

I kissed Bellamy's cheek as we watched our little princess finish blowing out her candles, "who would've thought we'd get this lucky?”

He laughed, "I always knew I was lucky. Because I have you.”

I smacked his shoulder playfully, his lips pressing into mine before I could pull away. We were so lucky, I had Jasper to thank for keeping Bellamy safe. I had his sister to thank for helping me with Jace. But most of all I liked to believe my dad had a hand in bringing us back together. He always did want to see me happy.

I was happier than I had been in a long time.

My mom started cutting the cake, handing the first piece to the birthday girl. She ran towards us, Jace waiting patiently for his piece. I looked back at my husband, knowing I wouldn't change a single thing that had happened in our lives. I would wait for him all over again, if that was the way to our happily ever after.

Most people don't believe fairy tales are real. I used to be one of them. But standing there with my little family, I knew I was wrong. Fairy tales were real, you just had to know where to find them. Sometimes it's in the darkest places, the hardest hour you never think you'll pull through. The light at the end of the tunnel is your happy ending just waiting for you.

"But really," Bellamy smiled as he lifted Charlie up into his lap and she gave him icing off her cake, "we did good, Princess. We did good."


End file.
